假如

假如有一天。。
你真的就离开我了。。
我会怎么样啊。。
原来我真的没想过。。
bui bui。。TT

昨天竟然为了你哭了。。
好像小孩子那么幼稚。。
看到你的手好像要断了。。
好心痛啊。。TT

生命有什么是没有终结的？
全部都有。。TT

watever...看开咯...

wa...

竟然在5am那么纠结的时间起身。。
因为昨晚太累。。7pm就睡了。。
回家只需要25分钟。。厉害叻 xD
Haiz。。。let it go ~

....

another 15 days...
i'm happy...
i'm happy... @@
i'm happy... ">__<"
i'm happy... T___T

sorry TT

人生啊～

原来不是一场梦。。
原来还是要读书～
每次考试要到就没mood。。
考完又特别sien。。
特别想开学。。

这是什么思想啊。。

yea..

又这样过了一个学期...
时间飞逝不留人啊。。
还有什么没实现的愿望吗？
那就要快快去完成。。
不然。。未来无法预测。。

我还有好多未完成之愿望叻！
例如。。secret xDDD

campbell

wat is campbell grrrr

@@

don't be emo ah...
i will sayang u...●﹏●
i cant feel wat u feel...
but i can know u r suffer..
too bad...
i cant make u happy.. ●︿●

but no matter how...
i will always be there for u.. ●﹏●

opps

我又来了。。xD
好累好累。。读书好累。。
可是以后做工会比较累吧 @@
haiz...这样的生活才充实吧。。
与其每天在家holiday。。
好像上两个月那样。。
sien到离谱 @@

人的头脑就是要时常运作。。
那样才不会变笨叻。。xD
以前小学妈妈说。。
一天没读书会变笨猪。。
吓到我每天假假读书。。LOL
原来我被骗了。。TT

Anyways。。
很开心明天不用做工。。
做学生还是the BEST！
有extra很多的时间消遣。。

谢谢你今天特地带我dinner ●﹏●
好像以前时常说的。。
''love die u le xD''

原来

原来我吃错药了。。LOL
另一个伤风药吃了就好了。。xD
不过一天过后又来了。。
haiz。。算了～

anyways ~
thanks for accompany me for whole day ♥

blah ~

所以又过了一天 ～
生病就是生病。。
吃了药也抵挡不了 ～
所以我不要吃药了！！
伤风是最讨厌的。。
一直流。。一直出～
Grrrrrrrrrr。。

keep it up

今天上课你总算变开朗了。。xD
希望你每天都是那样。。
因为看到你开心，我才会开心。。
加油吧。。 xD

btw.. 好像又要生病了。。
不是瓜。。">__<"
Please stay away from me !!

O.O

原来已经810天。。
不是很长也不是很短的日子。。
不知还会有多少个800天呢 xD
我要成长，我要成熟。。
我要变好。。

慢慢加油咯。。
家乐，你可以的 :p
虽然家里一点都不快乐。。
所以我不喜欢我的华语名。。

也正因为这样。。
我特别注重情感。。
特别敏感。。
快乐不快乐。。
对我来说很 X X

希望以后属于我的家
真的会快乐。。

危机 @@

上个星期在家里大哭被姐姐哥哥发现。。

骗他们说是胃痛。。他们突然冒出一句话。。

“莫非和kl有危机？” lols。。

立刻就否认。。现在想想下。。

还真的是差点就有危机了。。haiz。。

carol 啊carol。。

不要忘了自己说过什么。。

要对你好一点。。

再对你更好。。

很可悲的。。

我们没有话题可说。。

已经到了一种境界。。

就像刚刚在一起几个月那时

每天胡思乱想的东东。。

除了沉默，就是道歉。。

再不然就是日常生活报告。。

又盟起那种emo的心情。。

做什么都无精打采

刚才吃饭也很想吐。。

莫非是有了？可笑。。lols

看来又要一段时间。。

才能摆脱这种心情。。

没有事做要怎样呢。。

原本打算ponteng。。

4点的lecture。。

理智告诉我。。

我不可以这样做。。

原来我连ponteng的勇气都没有。。

可悲的好学生。。

没有做坏学生的天分。。

我需要发泄。。

我昨天拼命睡觉。。

可是发现还是会起身。。

还是要去上学。。

还是要面对所有。。

为什么我就不能

天真无邪地什么都不用想。。

什么都不用担忧。。

不用伤心。。

不用落泪。。

T____T。。

上学似乎变成一种负担。。

没有以前那种干劲。。

只有担忧。。

只有emo。。

我有压力啊。。

可是。。

今天过后又是美好的一天。。

just leave me alone ...

and i will be alright ...

不过。。

还是要谢谢你的出现。。

改变了我的一切。。

我的态度。。

我的价值观。。

我的行为。。

不管将如何结束。。

至少曾经拥有过。。

我还是会坚持下去！

lol..

i'm so useless that my presence makes u suffer ..
what kind of gf is this.. nonsence.. lol
now u know why i wish to disappear out of ur sight
having the chance to see u everyday is my greatest pleasure
but knowing that u r suffer bcoz of my presence makes me hurt so deep..
in conclusion... problem remains, unresolved, and continues..

sorry dear..

半夜咯。。

很奇怪的，人都是在半夜特别寂寞。。
特别容易伤心。。好伤感的一个Blog啊
总之，来到这边就是有心事
就是不开心才那么得空来废话。。
好多好多话不知要和谁说。。
活着很像很没意义。。
可是被养大20年，不能浪费啊。。
所以。还是要走下去。。
还是要为我自己的人生负责。。

生命本来就是未知数。。
完全不知道明天会发生什么。。
谁会突然出现。。
谁又会突然消失。。
要珍惜。。要如何去珍惜？
不知道。。xD。。

开学一直是我最期待的。。
也是我最不喜欢的。。
好矛盾的我。。
理智上很开心。。
可是情感上很不喜欢。。
我在说什么。。LOL。。

watever啦。。
没有重点的post。。

haiz。。

let the bygone be bygone ～
although it hurts xD...

anyways..
say cheese xD...

today made an android apk..
also pointless @@

my life is just a shame ～
always doing nonsence >_<
writing nonsence …
n playing nonsence ～

how good if i can be disappear xD...
let the show begin ～ xD...
omg really insane le...

hope that i'm not kid anymore ～
grow up n mature +_=

please ～

好伤心。。

为什么为什么。。T__T 这几天都有不详的预感。。感觉你好像和我很遥远。。T__T 我还竟然怕到发梦也会梦到你和我 x x 。。大家在emo时，和你说的每一句话。。都很怕会触发到无法挽回的地步。。我一直都小心翼翼的和你对答。。深怕自己伤害到你。。更怕自己听到不想听到的东东。。T___T。。可是feel到，你很不开心。。因为我不会照顾自己。。每天令你担忧。。害你变坏人来责备我。。T__T。。你甚至说这个是对男朋友的挑战。。对不起。。我很怕你会放弃。。两年前是，现在也是。。因为我有自知之明。。我从小就不敢奢望会有男生喜欢我这种多多问题的女生。。又出汗，又这边痛那边痛，又头晕，又胃痛。。无所不有。。你也已经听了两年我的哀叫。。是正常人也会感到不耐烦。。T__T 所以我不会怪你。。因为这些是我自找的。。TT 我不照顾自己。。不听话。。对不起。。令我真正地伤心是看到你想哭的样子。。我好心痛。。因为你又觉得自己不够好。。你说我可以找到更好的。。T___T 可是，我不需要更好的，我只需要你。。为什么你不明白。。TT。。但是，假如你真的觉得累了。。不想再这样下去了。。你可以和我说。。TT。。因为你伤心，我会更伤心。。T__T。。我也是觉得你可以找到更好的女生，可是我不会真的叫你去找。。因为你是我的。。T___T。。你说上一次是“失败的爱情”。。我说是puppy love。。你竟然说这次也是一样。。T___T 为什么。。好伤心。。T___T。。无论如何，你会是我第一个也是最后一个。。我会一直爱你，直到你不需要为止。。T____T

sorry...

sorry for not good enough...
sorry for not being a good gf...
sorry for not taking care of myself...
sorry T_________T

再见了 @@

Yakult。。
在我的生活中就此告一段落 。。
有点点不舍得，今天最后一天了。。
搬货的速度好快。。LOL。。
8个小时真的过很快。。
算是很值得的一份 Part time。。

我做得最久最轻松的工作。。
">___<"
也是第一份长期工也。。
supervisor人很不错。。
只可惜，我不适合。。
想永远做学生吗？
不可能！lols。。

有点怕怕以后做工的life。。
好像太沉闷了。。">___<"
希望我对coding是真的有兴趣。。
不然1个星期5天从早到晚。。
会GG叻！！LOL。。

经过试验，Sales不能。。
前线工作不能。。
back end 工最适合 xDD
coding就是back end ！
选对咯。。hehe。。

开学开学快快开。。
我还是喜欢校园生活。。
degree要好好努力。。
maintain 奖学金啊。。
一起加油吧。。

做工的事。。
长大才打算吧。。xD

开学

人家开学了啊。。
为什么我们迟一个月 TT
幸好有做工。。
不然真的会发霉了。。

btw，我终于毕业了！
没有辜负妈妈的期望。。
也尽了我身为孩子的本分。。
希望degree也能顺利毕业吧。。
hoho。。

可是我对未来还是很彷徨。。
为什么呢。。。“>_<”
顺其自然吧。。。lols

你的生日要到了 xD
21岁成人了哦。。
可以做大事了。。xD
我还有半年啊。。
可是无论怎样。。
还是被当着是小孩对待
可怜啊。。 “>_<”

还是要谢谢你。。
和我渡过了种种日子。。
甜酸苦辣 粗茶淡饭 xD
我们还会一直走下去。。
直到变成老公公老婆婆。。
LOL 想太远了吧 @@

anyways...
thanks for coming.. ^_^
love u always... n ever..
my dear...

开战了 @@

世界大战要来了。。
我不开心 ">__<"
为什么是这样的 ">__<"
又不知道要在哪发泄。。
不好玩的

哦no~

手很痛也。。
无端端打针。。
虽然长大不会怕
可是还是很痛下 O.O
重点是。。。
竟然还要打多两次 ＝＝

whatever xD。。
我是勇敢的小孩 ~

我闷！

我闷啊！！
所以说我不喜欢holiday就是酱。。
每次final时告诉自己，
快快考完我就可以做这个做那个了。
当时的期待真的是多到。。lols。。
可是真的到放假时，
神马都是浮云！

可能是有太多东西可以做，
范围太广了，
所以我想不到我可以做什么 T___T
说了要学C++，说了要看戏，
说了要玩Maple，说了要学煮菜。。
opps。。其实大多数都做到了。。xD。。

可能是做到没有东西可以做了吧。。
haiz。。每天只是在fb按按按 LOL。。
sien到我做平时都不做的事－找人谈天 LOL。。
可是都没有什么朋友可以真正谈到天。。
">__<" 可怜的我。。（都叫你认识多一点人的啦 LOL）

我觉得，朋友是看缘分的 xD。。
有缘自然会遇到。。不用强求 xD。。
btw，下个星期就回文冬了！
妈妈真的是等了我很久啊，
不回去她会不开心吧。。
说我重色轻妈。。LOL。。

回去也好。。
看一下文冬又怎样了。。xD。。
在这里，一个人又不敢出去，
为了把危险性降到最低，
不要给家人担心 xD。。
几乖 LOL。。

话说我终于告诉supervisor说要停工了。。
第一次做最久的part time工吧。。
见了很多很多customer，
遇到不少野蛮的，也有和善的。。xD。。
可是这个毕竟都不是我有兴趣的工作。。
不是我的专长。。">__<"
所以我很肯定我不是做sales的材料。。LOL。。

妈妈的一句话，让我解脱了。。
yes... thanks mummy ！
opps。。time to slp xD

失眠

失眠是什么？
可以吃的吗？
我好累啊。。
可是睡不到！

生病就是可悲，
明明人家睡到呼噜大叫，
我在床上翻来翻去咳嗽不止 T__T

外面下雨咯。。
应该会是很凉爽的一天。。
今天我4pm才起身！
专家说睡太多或太少都不好，
daisei现在睡不着。

明天就是last paper！
考了之后就宣告end of diploma了，
呵呵。。为什么过得那么快。。
学生生涯还有两年，opps，
是只剩两年。。要好好把了。。

yamateh 外面打雷 :O
怕怕啊。。为什么那么胆小？
以前没有那么怕的。。@@

btw，今天煮了柠檬鸡。。
kailan。。豆腐 with tomato sauce。。
slurp。。
自己煮的就算麻麻地
都会觉得很好吃 LOL 。。
失败是成功之母！
迟早我会变成expert的！xD

惨了。。我又饿了 TT
快点睡觉啦。。LOL。。
眼睛要关了可是就是睡不到 @@
watever -_-
bb咯。。xd

sore throat

fever recover earlier than sore throat ?
bu hao wan de... ">__<"

两年的我们。。

又是那一句，终于两年了！！“只要你还在，我会一直爱” 。。 好肉麻 @_@ 在8月9号还没过完之前，我要回味一下我们之间的点点滴滴。遇上你真的是个改变，从内到外的改变。抛开想法，对人处事也和以前不同了。你说，你的power是不是很厉害？xD 为了爱，我愿意也非常乐意去改变，不是强迫性的，因为我是不会对自己不喜欢的东西妥协的！就因为这样，我尝试去喜欢任何你觉得会对我有益的东西。这两年来，妈妈骂姐姐时都会说：“你看kl把carol教到几好，什么菜都学吃，你们还不学吃？！” 虽然还是会挑食，可是已经学吃很多菜了，唯独海鲜我到现在还是无法爱上 ，就因为我怕那种腥味。haiz，顺其自然吧 xD 回到你，我最爱的你 ♥ 两年前是你，现在还是你，以后也一直会是你，洪建隆 ^__^ 虽然最近已经没有像热恋期时那么有Passion，可是内心里对你的感觉是不曾变过的。我爱你，我要和你组织家庭，我要和你生小孩。可是我一直都在怕，因为我的身体好像很多问题，深怕到时医生会告诉我，我无法生孩子 @__@ 那么我和你就不能有下一代。。（传统的说法，不能帮男生传宗接代等于没有用）那么我就要和你分开了。。T___T。。不可以！所以每次我又什么痛，你都会激动，要我自己照顾自己。可是另一方面，你还是很关心我的。谢谢你特地带我去这里那里的医院，还陪我去看中医，陪我去拿药 ♥ 我会顾好自己的身体的！所以，从宿舍搬了出来之后，我开始学做厨神了 LOL  每天煮菜已经是家常便饭，那么我就不会为了省钱而不吃东西了。两年半以前，我认为我是不需要学煮菜的，因为我幻想以后的我肯定是工作狂，放工了直接在外面吃算了。认识你过后，你说女生会煮菜比较好，所以sem break一回家我就有在学一点，因为住在宿舍是不可能动锅的。可是那种只会是三分钟热度，下一次放假就会忘了什么是煮菜。现在不同了，姐姐哥哥不得空，只有我在家里。所以煮菜变成我的责任，更何况我自己也会肚子饿，所以当着是顺便喂饱自己吧 xD  希望再过两年，我可以变成beginner再高一级吧！遗憾的是，洗碗也变成每日必做之事！T__T 曾几何时我说我是不会洗碗的，可是。。难逃一劫啊 LOL  为了我的未来，为了将来能做个贤妻良母，这些是在所难免的！加油吧 carol xD  话说搬来PV 16后，我每天在家都是一个人，有点怕怕呢。因为到处都有人说家里进贼 @__@ 而且那个所谓的“风”也每次令我胆战心惊。。因为它会吹到不同类型的声音出来，更何况现在是农历7月。。所以我会疑神疑鬼 T__T 怕怕时想下你，想到好笑的事，就会傻傻的笑出来。。hoho。。谢谢你有时会特地来我家陪我 ♥ 今天你要去camp，所以你昨天特地赔了我一整天，当着是庆祝两周年吧。虽然没有大事庆祝，可是能和你一直走街吃东西，已经很开心了！看着你帅帅可爱的表情，我就会觉得我很幸运 ♥ 这个世界那么大，我竟然能遇到你，还可以和你一起，老天对我不薄啊 ^__^ 我时常都会警惕自己，不要等到失去才来珍惜，我也会告诉自己不要轻易放弃你，因为你得来不易。就算当时的脑袋想到多么地荒唐，我都会压抑自己，告诉自己要冷静，睡一觉后又是美好的一天 xD 虽然两年了还是没有大吵过，可是还是会有闹脾气的时候。这时我就会告诉自己，不要乱讲话 LOL。。why？因为我怕自己说出那些无法收回的话。。所以我都会measure过才说出来。。呵呵。。激烈的吵架，请祢不要来，因为我承受不了 xD 两年已过，我还会继续小心翼翼的维系我们的感情 ♥ 谢谢你让我成长  ♥ 我会一直守在你身边 ♥ 

25楼。。

好坏的我。。
住进25楼了。。
每天威胁你。。@_@
虽然是开玩笑。。
可是知道你会不喜欢
当然不会每天说咯。。

可是今天。。
真的突然萌出一个念头。。
就是直接跳下去。。
不过当时是在学校啦。。xD
幸好幸好。。

理性的我。。
明显的知道。。
suicide是愚蠢的行为。。
可是。。人在低潮的时候。。
真的会有那种想法。。
所以不要怪我。。xD

不过那个愚蠢的念头。。
在我刚刚回到家时就不见了。。
因为 我 饿 了 。。 LOL。。
第一个想到的就是。。
快点煮饭煮菜。。LOL。
不然我就饿死了！

所以。。今天。。
我又做了家庭主妇。。
把妈妈每天在家做的事。。
重复的做一次。。
不止叻。。
以后还有很多很多次。。

以前说很怕家务。。
必要时。。哪里有得选。。
是你做就是你做。。">___<"
要省钱就是这样吧。。
洗衣煮饭扫地洗碗
抹桌子。。收衣晒衣。。
@___@
女生的本分吗？lols。。

whatever。。
假如真的有一天。。
我在家里。。
又有那种想法。。
我会不会做傻事呢。。
不知道。。@__@

做人艰难啊。。
可是还有很多事还没做。。
最main的一件事。。
就是报答妈妈。。
孝顺的机会都还没到
sui什么cide？！
noob carol ~_~

anyways...
i'm still fine xD

有人要捉我们三个？
放马过来吧。。
有这种爸爸就预了
有这种possibility。。lols

所以假如假如。。
我真的发生什么事了。。
不要惊讶。。
不要太难过。。
因为是天注定的。。
父债子还。。
大概就是这样吧。。

怕有危险不要出门吗？
nah。。
路还是要继续走。。
饭还是要继续吃。。
工还是要继续做。。
书也是要继续读。。
一切只能听天由命。。

最后最后。。
我还是最爱你的。。♥

煮菜

想不到。。
严重洁癖的我。。
怕手油油的我。。
竟然可以煮菜。。
洗碗。。

因为。。
当你饿起来又没有饭吃时。。
什么都是possible的！！
所以。。
我要爱上煮菜。。lols。。

坏人 ！

坏人 坏人 坏人 ！！

tired

i'm tired !!
move house tired ..
heart also quite tired ..
coz always think too much ~
those unnecessarily thing..
when can I recover? ishh..

fine fine fine...
calm down...
i nid to relax today..

haiz

made u unhappy le ...
haiz... sorry.. ">__<"

gastric visit me xD

既然你是又痛不是又痛。。
那我给你痛饱饱吧。。
吃和没吃真的没差。。
好像之前那样。。xD
感谢主给我痛痛痛。。

可是不能乱乱说出来。。
不然我就变成千古罪人。。
无端端被人骂。。T__T
whatever ～

今天又考了quiz了！
我又破纪录没睡。。
太坏了。。
没办法。。
很难读完全部东西。。

早上show了老师demo
原本以为完整了。。
她还有很多东西要改
@__@ 改咯。。
反正也是logic的。。

抽到第8组present。。
和chunhei换第二。。xD
快点解决是好事。。
xD。。放学咯。。
你太累回去睡觉。。
我的香蕉梦没了。。
可怜。。可悲。。

我也睡觉吧！！xD
真爽。。
没人看到的blog。。
要写什么都不需避忌。。
可是。。
被发现了我就GG了！！
T____T

good night ba

4am

4点了咯。。我在做什么？
又是emo的时候。。xD
换了url。。果然很轻松。。
你还是没发现。。xD
那就继续装傻下去吧。。
让我可以尽情发泄发泄。。

今天3pm才起身。。
多久没有那么轻松过。。
现在为什么还不睡。。
都是quiz的错。。
我一直revise subnetting。。
O.O。。如你所说。。
我还真是逼自己太多了吧。。
不然我怎么能过自己那关。。

与其等到拿成绩才后悔。。
不如把自己能做的做到最好。。
那么。。就算真的拿到不好。。
也可以安慰自己。。
我已经尽力了 ^__^

我的家庭那么多问题。。
也就造就了我。。
那么拼命的我。。
那么kiasu的我。。
因为我要努力再努力。。
以后就不必事事靠人家。。

受人恩惠。。
一定要饮水思源。。
可是长期下去。。
自己的尊严也没有了。。TT
所以。。我一定要努力！
我要给妈妈过好生活！
不要再被人看低！

梦想。。
就好像上面那几句。。LOL
每天在幻想。。
可是都还实现不到 ＝＝
haiz。。还有两年。。
加油啊 Carol。。

做人真的不容易。。
要做好人更加难。。
要令人满意更是难如登天。。

我几时才能变成。。
你完美的女友。。
不会对我不满意。。
不会因我不开心。。
不会对我发脾气。。
opps。。没有发脾气。。
只是不爽。。xDD
应该也是很难很难吧。。

被人挑剔很难受。。
尤其是你最爱的人。。
所以。。我对你的态度。。
也慢慢在转化。。
因为我是那种。。
你对我怎样。。
我也会对你怎样的人。。

假如热恋期对你100分好。。
你对我80分好。。
现在你对我只有50分。。
我肯定维持不了100分。。
肯定会跌下去70分。。
这个就是人的天性。。
没有永远的100分。。
除非你对我也是一样。。
那么就可以继续保持。。

很现实的。。
我们现在对彼此都是。。
每天踩来踩去。。
以前我是不会踩你的。。
可是。。
人性如此。。
haiz。。
对不起。。T__T

难道。。我又忘了。。
要每天爱你多一点？
我没有忘。。
只是现在。。
已经表达不出来。。
因为你对我的态度。。
令我无法做到。。
sorry dear。。

那句。。
every moment spend with u,
is a moment i treasure..
还是如此吗 ？
这个当然还是。。
只是没有那么强烈了。。
无可否认。。
和你在一起。。
真的不会哭。。
就算昨天伤心到要死掉了。。
第二天见到你。。
我就伤心不起来了。。
这个就是你不会变的power。。
厉害咯。。xD

所以。。4.20am了。。
还不要睡吗？
被知道我就GG了。。
你又要shoot我了。。
怕怕啊。。">__<"

呵呵。。

今天去上IS。。
你没有来哦。。
应该是预料到了。。
原本我也不想去的。。
不过去了很好。。
学到新的东西。。
这个老师每次都有教extra！

以前code就已经觉得weird。。
为什么data access和GUI可以直接来。。
原来reality是不能的。。
应该要通过entity来link。。
幸好被Ms Lee提醒了！
thanks ♥♥

也因为这样。。
我终于solve到我的bug了！
不然每次进一个screen。。。
就要一直new dataAccess()。。
吃了我很多memory啊。。
这个方法可以等我要用那个method时
才initiate new constructor..
方便很多。。
还有发现System.gc()。。
可以帮忙garbage collect。。
free up我的memory。。
不错不错。。
又学到新东西。。
很有成就感的说。。xDD

不过我们的system还是非常mini。。
能做的都是minor task。。
完全不professional啊。。
design虽然有了一点点。。
可是还是差real life system很多。。
T___T。。我们会继续努力的！
arghhh。。。time to sleep ~

yish..

emo emo 就好 ～
不想被人发现 ～
不想被指责。。
不想被数落。。
我小小的心灵。。
可承受不了那么多 #_#

虽然每次都说。。
“只是说下而已。。”
可是“说下” 对我来说 。。
真的不是那么简单。。
不能那么容易被忽略。。
因为我在乎。。
在乎你的每一句。。

到头来。。
和一年前一样。。
还是那么爱乱想。。
还是那么容易哭。。
还是那么没有安全感。。
因为。。我做错了。。
我有愧疚感。。
所以我怕。。
被你丢掉的那一天。。
虽然你一直强调不会。。
可是。。信任减少就是减少了。。

你所谓“说下”的不满意。。
就会被我认为是“不喜欢”。。
迟早会“顶不顺”。。
虽然你也是一直说我乱想。。
我真的是乱想。。
乱想仅有可能发生的事。。

最近做人很多烦恼。。
可是烦恼不能对人说。。
不然只有被人笑/讽刺的下场。。
不能对你说。。
因为你也很多烦恼。。
可是闭在心里。。
我真的很痛苦。。T__T

我这里痛那里痛。。
也不能和你说。。
不然又会被你骂。。
我知道是关心。。
可是为什么。。
这个世界的关心。。
就一定要用到贬义词。。
我不喜欢被骂。。
可是还是每天中招。。T__T

*骂其实只是“讲”。。lols

和妈妈说。。
照样中招。。
所以。。我学乖了。。
自己痛自己忍。。
因为。。没有人feel到。。

我不开心。。
没有人知道。。
你知道。。
可是我不认。。
因为认了又会怎样。。
你又以为是你的错。。
变成你又不开心。。

我不喜欢害到你不开心。。
所以自己不开心。。
我就会不想说话。。
为什么每天emo。。
我也不知道。。
女生本来就是奇怪的东西。。

发泄。。
只有在被当下。。blanket*
尽情的哭时才达成效果。。
为什么做人做到那么辛苦。。
没有啊。。

我觉得。。
每天带着面具做人。。
更加辛苦。。
在fb看到一句话很中肯。。
“成长就是。。
你明明痛到快死去了。。
可是第二天还要当着没事去上班”

我又为什么而痛？
为家庭而痛。。
为生活而烦。。
都是钱的错。。TT
都是感性的错。。TT

人家非洲难民根本没时间伤心。。
我还在这里发泄这个那个。。TT

为什么我又特地换掉blog的url？
心虚吗？怕被你知道吗？
不是。。我只是觉得。。
你应该没有什么mood想看。。
而我要有一个可以任我发泄的地方。。

双鱼座的我真的很天真。。
以为全世界都是美好的。。
以为我对你的想象。。
也应该是真的那么美好。。

可是现实还是现实。。
你就是你。。
唯一的你。。
我不能改变。。
也不会去改变。。
我只能接受。。
我也没有资格去批评你。。
因为。。
我也不是你所想要的。。T__T

所以我每天都在想着。。
我们以后真的有未来吗。。T__T
你对我已经很好很好。。
被你发现我的这种想法。。
只会再一次被你厌倦。。
你一定很无奈。。
为什么我每次都想那些。。
有的没的。。
明明没事搞到自己有事。。

因为。。
男生就是这样。。
不喜欢婆婆妈妈。。
而女生。。
就是这样。。
喜欢婆婆妈妈。。
想东想西。。
怕死怕活。。
T____T。。

假如你是女生。。
你也那么想。。
而我是男生。。
我一定也会想不通。。
为什么女生那么烦。。

arghhh。。
我要发泄。。
我不能骂你。。
我不能打你。。
我不能表态。。
我什么都不能。。
我好无能。。
我只能和buibui。。
相拥而哭。。T___T

wuu...

today let ppl scold o...
i don like to be 冤枉.. TT
anyways...
many ppl helped me xD..
forgive him lo ~_~

time to slp lu xD

ulcer !!

the most painful ulcer ever !
arghh... y bully me ">__<"
previously i always get ulcer ~
since i was child..
but all also not serious..
this time is under my tongue !!
i cannot even eat T___T
i move my tongue then can shout le @@

so..
every single bite
lead me to hell !
pain like hell arghhh...
the ulcer at left side..
so i only can bite using right side..
lols... so funny..
when people see my expression xD

hope after few week it will recover ..
if not i will cry T_____T
吃饭吃到那么痛苦。。
我还是第一次啊。。
主啊。。快点打救我。。@@
btw.. coding every day..
i'm afraid of codesss

please let mi finish it faster xDD

busy ~

recently all people are busy ~
busy rent house ~
busy assignment ~
busy working ~
busy mid term ">__<"
still so free come write blog? LOL
as ppl says "吊颈也要喘气".. xd

not much changes in my life ~
still same as usual... xD
but got a new little gift last week O.O
let's see...O..O
iPod Shuffle .. Not cheap leh @@
thanks dear ♥♥
your money sure become lesser much le o.o..
nvm... we eat cheap cheap thing together xD
咸鱼白菜也好好味 LOL..

next ~~
going to pindah outside on August !!
exciting leh xDD.. wish for so long ">__<"
but have to bear the consequences..
have to wake up earlier...
have to take bus ">__<"
sleep late cannot run directly to college TT

however ~
i can enjoy new house environment ~
got refrigerator .. can drink ice !!
opps...shhhhhh...
can cook !!
can bath with water heater !!
got personal toilet !!
lols... so excited xD

but news says...
many robbery case over there @@
papa wor... ">___<"
anyways...
顺其自然 lo ~

btw..
today bought new slipper..
in carrefour xD rm8 ne~
hope wont black black again !

furthermore !!!
why so many dou dou !!
dou dou everywhere Grrrrrr!!

sob ~

i've no idea wat's going on ~
i burst into tear in a sudden ">__<"
once i start crying..
i cannot stop..
especially if someone talk to me
i will getting more n more suffer..
T______T then cry non stop... lols..
then cannot breathe...
keep 抽泣..

gathering with family should be happy..
why i become like that... ">__<"
make my mum sad also.. haiz..
maybe i am too sensitive...
i cant listen to things that seems too harsh..
a super mentally weak creature..

or maybe this few days too xxxx
maybe too long no cry...
so i burst out in a sudden...
T___T it's not what i wan...
why i so easily cry...
like a baby...
useless... grrrr...

but....
this things only happen..
when i deal with family...
or ppl that i very care..
stranger ?
whatever he/she talk
i wont mind ...
not so deep at least.. ">__<"

so.. i cant angry with close fren..
i cant angry with my family...
i cant ....... grrrr...
what also cant T____T
useless !!!
stupid carol !!!

so.. when i start to tear...
what to do?
do nothing n left me alone..
else i will cry more seriously...
and will more suffer n suffer...
even when i want to stop..
it doesn't let me to stop ?!!
see... that's me...
stupid me... T___T

maybe i got asthma...
so i cannot cry...
i don like to cry... T__T
but i'm so sensitive..
what can i do ? arghhh
i cant close my ears..
everything ppl says i mind..
i really mind...
bcoz i can hear it...clearly..
and at the same time... hurting..
">__<"

calm down...
let's go maths...

yo...

passed != not happened ...
laugh does nt always reflect happy..
then wat is happy ... ?

donno.... xD
i'm happy...
im hapi...
im hepi..
T__T

huhu

yess.. finally done this week task
tomorrow can 放心 go BBQ le ^^
hmm.. donno will meet any leng zai or not le xD
opps... shhhhh... i'm loyal de.. xD

3am le !! playing hp...
y it eat battery so fast de ">__<"
bu hao wan de !
maybe after few days will better
lols.. 自我安慰 xDD

i'm so 幸福。。o.o
whatever i want also can get ">__<"
wan guy.. got le xD
wan bears.. also got le...
wan laptop... also got...
wan hp... also got... ">__<"

so。。死而无憾 le?
nonono... still wan 1 more thing..
my kai xuan xDD
once never out, dream never fades
LOL... 发仔瘟！！

whatever.. human must have target..
must have something to push us..
then only can continue living xD
my target is... kai xuan ♂ xDD
let's wait for 5 more years ">__<"

yiiiiii

很遗憾的...
今天没有肚子痛 T__T
那就是说。。
明天会痛死我。。
要做工的呢。。
不如直接杀掉我吧。。
lols。。

每一次都想忍下去
再忍下去。。
再再再忍下去。。
可是。。
那种痛是很令人抓狂的
@__@

所以。。
逼不得已。。
become coward吧。。
狠狠的啃下panadol ！
因为会痛到妈妈都认不得！
太离谱了吧。。">__<"

胃痛最痛，试过了。。
女人之痛，也试过了。。
剩下生仔之痛，还没试过 xDD
我相信，一定也难不倒我。。xDD

女生就是天生受诅咒的吗？
为什么所有肉体的痛楚都是for girl？
其实另一个角度想。。
女生也是很幸福下。。
没有太大负担。。
通常不需要做粗工。。
不需要主动。。
不需要动。。 LOL。。
anyways。。

有下一世。。
还要做回女生。。xDD
因为可以lao gai。。
可以喜欢cute的东西。。
可以留长头发。。
可以穿裙子。。
可以打扮。。
可以生孩子！！！LOL。。

男生？
laogai ＝ 娘
喜欢cute的东西 ＝ 娘
留长发 ＝ 娘
穿裙子 ＝ ah gua ＝ 娘！
打扮 ＝ 更加娘！
生孩子 ？ 永远无法体会 xDDDD

in conclusion..
being girl can experience more xD
feel more..
and know more.. ♥

感性的人，女生居多 ♥

hmmm... 3am !!!
time to sleep !!
assignment task done is kind of release xD
tomorrow can concentrate on my Sales !
please sell more than 100 packs thanks ♥

上课！

不知不觉已经week 2了！
还有12个星期我们就毕业了吧。。
最后一个sem。。一定要加倍努力。。
不可以辜负妈妈对我的期望。。
虽然未曾辜负过。。
因为每一次我都很努力。。
是真的有放很多effort ">__<"

我要继续improve再improve。。
不要乱乱花钱。。
不要自私自利。。
不要认为赚到的$真的是自己的。。
所以把全部都给完妈妈。。
至少这样。。
我才不会看不起自己。。

存钱，等有了真正的职业吧。。
电话，要珍惜所拥有的。。
对待引诱，要学会say NO！
功课，做好好来。。
人际，好好的学。。
身体，自己要照顾。。
因为，人家只能担心。。
却什么也做不到。。">__<"

痘痘，你最好给我消失！
buibui，哥哥pass了就要送他！
玩具熊，还是我的挚爱。。
coding，也是我最想学更多的。。
水，每天要喝更加多！
tom yam，真的要减少！
slurpee。从此不再动 ！
家人，一定要健健康康。。
朋友，也要好好对待。。

你，不知要怎样呢。。">__<"
感觉，变浅了？@__@
态度，变完了？ ">__<"
还是，没有失去不会珍惜？
又或者，忘了要对你好？
haiz。。

不要乱乱想。。
我还是对你始终如一。。
To appreciate someone。。
image ur life without him。。
应该是很沉闷。。
很孤单。。很疯狂。。
omg。。我在写什么？
stopppppppp ！

人家说。。
爱他就要先伤害他。。
因为，内疚是维系感情的最佳方法。。
@___@

我又写了什么。。lols。。
anyways。。god bless me。。
明天给我肚子痛痛痛！♥

hmm

i thought of something terrible last week @_@ ..
hope i would never think about it anymore lols...
else... 3 months left T__T
anyways... cheer up carol...
u will be better xDD
u r the best n unique carol ^_^

lol

4 months left.. T__T

family O.O

成长是一个很奇妙的过程。。没有的拒绝。。只能顺其自然 O.O 我成长了吗？ LOL。。一定是还没有啦。。每天都被认为还小。。什么都不懂 @__@ 就这样被保护着，好比温室的小花。。是家人的宝贝。。父母的掌上明珠。。你眼中的"小孩子" LOL。。可是！我已经20岁了哦。。要长大了。。妈妈还说不够21就是小！之前说不够18是小。。或许最小的永远都是“小” ！xD。。无论如何，很庆幸我是受保护动物。。或许很多人想要都没有啊。。爸爸，这个名称象征着 “依靠” “呵护” “尊重” “一家之主”。。至少在我印象里应该是 xD。。虽然他真的做不到满分的lao dou。。无可否认，令人难堪的语气之下。。还是有点点父爱。。无论对他做过什么，他之后就忘记了？或许这个就是家人的定义。。没有隔夜仇。。不敢奢望他会变成慈父，只是希望他不会历史重演。。lols。。妈妈。。已经是非笔墨能形容的一个creature。。她最大的愿望就是我们都健健康康。。成为有用的人吧。。我一定会努力的。。虽然我不会很健康。。">__<" 哥哥。。这个和我从小不打不相识的家伙。。小时候每天吵吵闹闹。。甚至大打出手。。当时的他完全不会“大让小” 。。我们天天硬碰硬 @__@ 当然我这个小霸王每次都不认输。。长大后。。他变得越来越会礼让。。也会关心我了。。就算我每次无理取闹，他也会让我。。甚至用buibui来哄我 LOL。。buibui 就这样变成我们的沟通桥梁 xD。。以前每天羡慕人家哥哥很照顾妹妹。。有哥哥真的是好事 xD。。吃东西。。我说我的不好吃，他立刻把他的换给我。。有感动到哦。。xDD。。这个就是做最小的好处 LOL。。姐姐，宿舍的第二个妈妈。。不过这个很凶下。。@@。。也是每天吵吵闹闹。。不过绝对不会带到第二天。。然而，我却很自私。。她每天担心我吃什么。。我竟然没有担心她吃什么。。haiz。。可能是受妈妈所托，洗脑。。吩咐她一定要顾好我。。她才会变得如此唠叨！不过。。这些也是很多人想要也没有的亲情吧。。所以。。家人对我来说。。是非常重要的！（全世界都一样啦LOL）我每一年的生日第一个愿望一定是“家人平平安安健健康康” 。。可是，自从pakto了过后。。就加多一个。。xD。。秘密 LOL。。 男朋友，这个称呼。。到现在为止。。我还觉得像个梦。。18岁之前，完全没想过身边会多一个男朋友。。不敢去奢望，只敢偷偷欣赏其他男生。。lols。。至今已经1年半++。。原来不是梦。。因为。。“it's too good to be true”。。你好得好像不是真实的。。">__<"。。你让我知道，原来除了家人以外。。还有一个人那么地在乎我。。竟然还会喜欢我。。">__<" 即使做错事。。严重地破坏你对我的信任。。你还是一样。。那么的care我。。继续对我好。。没有立刻和我断绝来往。。我们也竟然可以回到normal。。逗来逗去。。一起嬉戏玩耍。。所以，我已经非常知足了。。你已经是100分了。。♥ ♥ 。。 以前每天幻想。。理想的男朋友一定要幽默（已经有了♥）。。对我好关心我 （也有了。。只是另一种方法LOL）。。身材好像model那样。。LOL。。不过当真的有了男朋友。。什么条件都是浮云。。xDD。。有 ♥ 最重要。。人家凭什么迁就你？凭什么对你好？就是因为爱。。不爱的睬你都傻。。@__@。。每天对着你说你是坏人。。都不是真的。。因为你是好人。。好到我都不敢相信。。所以硬说你是坏人。。">__<" sorry啊。。我就是这么幼稚。。xD。。未来还有很多年。。希望你可以包容我的幼稚。。">__<"。。我每天都要对自己说。。对你再好一点。。还要更好一点。。我愿意守在你身边直到你不需要为止！快点screenshot下来。。下次我不认账你show给我看 LOL。。这样我就不能抵赖了。。xD。。幼稚？热恋时说的话写的字都是太兴奋的结果。。可是1年半++已经不是热恋期了吧！我要继续写，写够10年 arghhhh。。（都不知真不真。。）anyways。。未来不能预测。。我们还是回到那句话。。顺其自然吧。。反正船到桥头自然直嘛。。还没直就是还没到尽头。。LOL。。我又在幻想kai xuan的到来。。omg。。仁心解码2里面那个。。发仔瘟。。aiks。。要来的始终会来。。可遇不可求。。O.O。。okay。。i wait ！5年吗？xD。。my love will not fade !! ♥♥ let's wait and see.. time proof everything xD...Opps...2.44am again xDD

aaaaaa

i wan shout aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

pain wor..

O.O naughty lo..
drink cold water lo..
eat slurpee lo.. ">__<"
"ini kalilah" @__@
period come pain die u !

it's not 1st time already wor..
everytime say wan change
when only u wan change o..
haiz.. carol jiu shi like that ~
today finally see the true color lo..
see u still dare or not ~_~

btw.. finally inject liao wo..
not as pain as what i thought ~
bu hao wan de.. ">__<"
yuan lai not till 3 second then done ~
rm20 only.. O.O
then go take the card.. RM6 xD
this sunday can 光明正大 le hehe..

hmm.. this 2 days go listen speech..
all the leader talk so loud and gek..
"ini kalilah" keep flying around our ears
let's see what is the final result.. o.o
just hope this country will keep improve xD

and my life also...
improve please... O.O
u say.. healthy lifestyle wor..
i will try ">__<"
start from reducing ice ba !! xDD

Jusco !

hmm.. this is 3rd day work le !
but it's 1st time work in jusco..
super gan jiong lo.. ">__<"
bcoz i didn't xxxxxx @__@
anyways.. thanks i can pass xD

back to morning..
wake up and bath... didn't eat !!
bro fetch mi to jusco o.o
ask me to eat mcd wor..
then i ate a porridge xD

then jason call me to go meet him..
gg... i donno where is the entrance ">__<"
run here and there finally found.. lols..
it's not at left side.. it's at right side o.o
have to pass by the super dirty place ">__<"
then go to the guard there take pass..
yes i go in successfully xDD

roadshow is totally different with this !
normal sales is not easy ... T__T
have to count stock, check stock..
and most difficult.. arrange stock ">__<"
arrange isn't hard.. but is superrrrrr cold T__T
he taught me so many thing today @@
donno whether i managed to rmb all @@
whatever.. i tried my best ">__<"

today sales.. only 91 packs total..
sample only used 5 out of 25.. O.O
should use more ma.. if not left for who? LOL
o.o.. ya.. knew some new frens.. xD
a girl and a boy.. the girl help mi much O.O
helped mi to tied my hair become ball ~ LOL

jusco is really strict...
this cannot that cannot...
but the best is..
HP can bring xDDD
i just need this benefit..
others watever also nvm LOL..

finished work at 9pm..
start to count stock at 8.30..
over 9pm also no finish..
coz nid to keep this keep that..
keep the booth... T___T
this is not girl job ">__<"

end of the day lo..
dad come fetch mi back bentong..
now i'm in my room already O.O
so big so nice..
but without u... ">__<"

sry dear left u boring in home for whole week @@
although i donno u kidding or really not happy ">__<"
3 days no see u le ! actually miss u so much TT ..
anyways.. still got chance de.. xD..
nothing gonna change my ♥ for u xD

yiii

yiii...chiew carol
y u so timid de arghhh
2 yr liao still like this !!
wth u scare o.. grrrrr...
kixx also not dare !!
heng !!!

yakult xd

yes..i found a job le !!
so excited whole day xD
lai.. back to morning 1st ~

8am then terkejut by the sms..
ask mi to interview at 12pm.. O.O
then i quickly tell u lu..
coz initially the girl say 2pm ma..@@
i thought is the girl sms me..
but number is different..
yuan lai is the boy xD

after reply the sms then i cant slp le @@
then wait until 10am.. xD
finally u wake up le hehe..
u say 11am come fetch me..
so nice got bf fetch ♥
thanks so much dear xD

then we went to carrefour McD.. O.O
omg.. why is guy interview us xD
nvm.. he is so friendly..
totally different feel from 1st interview..
he explain to us about the yakult..
teach us how to promote..
then still help me arrange time..
bcoz i tot can go pc fair training..
but after that cannot le ">__<"
subang is so far @__@

human cannot greedy..
then just work for yakult 1st xD
the pay is quite attractive O.O
almost can compare with pc fair..
work shorter time price same xD
after discussion..
me and u also get to work..
on this weekend hehe..

hope that things will go smooth xD..
good luck on my new job ^^

after this weekend then can go jusco work..
every sunday 1 to 9pm O.O..
back hostel will danger ma?
have to buy pepper spray le xD
btw.. today used rm55 T__T
buy black shoes for work ">__<"
small $ no out, big $ no come LOL..

let's see next month ..
i will get back all of it xDDD
xperia SP.. wait for me xD

last last last...still thanks to my dear ♥♥♥
605 days le ♥♥

april fool

so fast April le !!
exam is over ~
class is ended ~
work also finished xD
but hor...
still looking for new job..

y suddenly wan $$ o.o
bcoz wan use own money..
buy thing sendiri.. xD
so far only earn rm200..
work for so long only 200 ">_<"
so.. $$ is not easy to earn !!

i always understand this theory..
but now only i realise the reality lols..
how childish am i ... xD
lai... faster finish study...
2 more years to go ^^

after last week's interview..
i noticed i really cannot speak @@
the interviewer keep say..
speak more ~ i have many candidates
so stress ne... 1 vs 1 interview # #
next time graduated also like this?
GG le.. ">__<"

whatever ~
sem break now le !
wondering wat decision to make..
wait for call to go work ?
or faster back home accompany mummy?
but.. cannot bring any bears TT

let's wait for few more days.. xD
after this week ntg do then back home xD

open day

o.o after working for 4 days..
i become more brave to talk le..
and also more immune to get scold ~
know few girlss de new frens tim..
but after this open day..
then back to normal life again o.o

standing for 8 hours is not too long..
but is enough tired already..
coz we only can stand still n welcome ppl..
if the family are kind then we will be happy..
if they are rude... nothing we can do ~_~

initially i feel that standing inside is not good..
but when the crowd getting bigger..
more parent will ask us for information..
then i feel it is quite nice to share experience with them..
but the worst side is...
we have to force them fill up survey form = =

i saw many family come towards open day..
and help their beloved son/daughter to get information..
some of their result not qualified to get in diploma..
but they still hope their son can admit into college..o.o
i dare not to tell them the truth..lols.. ">__<"
i just direct them to the enquiry counter to ask for further info..

there's also some princess .. with rude attitude..
when we offer for help... she answer
"WAT? "  "I wan to enrol myself !!"
with a ultra super 拽 face.. ~_~
some parent even want to meet manager.. o.o
i recall back my mum also done such thing xDD

today a big thing happen...bcoz raining heavily...
a thunder strike the tree into half.. @@
the front side of the sport complex no eletricity.. xD
lucky there was no people pass by the tree.. ">__<"
we all become frightened at the moment lols..

next week i have to stand outside... ">__<"
no more communication with people..
bcoz only we talk they listen..
our job scope at outside is..
give them the floor plan & survey form..
ask them Remember FILL IN before leave.. LOL..
i heard ppl say : "faster fill in form if not cannot leave"
seems like we really so scary... lols...

lols.. back to my original life .. ~_~
yuan lai my life is super boring..
eat play slp eat play slp... + study..
didn't meet any new people..
donno how's the world is like ~

so.. got chance to work is not bad too..
although $$ is not so much..
although very tired...
but can gain some experience..
and become more presentable..
infront of strangerssss !!
bcoz we all talk ENGLISH !! ">__<"
kena scold also still talking english..
but is trembling ~_~ ke lian... xD

time to play ~ bb

o.o

sorry i'm so cold... ">__<"

this few day i'm unhappy..

but not bcoz of relationship..

just relate to family.. 

my brain is empty ~

i don't know what happen ~

nothing interest me TT

no mood to do anything..lols..

i cant talk to u also..

donno y.. lol...

leave mi alone ba.. TT

lol..

finally finish my sem 6 ~
just wait for final exam now
feel like so empty
i've lost my spirit..
">__<"

donno what should i do
lols.. have to work on weekend
let's make myself become busy ~
sem break is coming
i don wanna go home..
but i miss my mum TT

how i wish i can start working now..
so i got my own money..
able to make myself feel secure ">_<"
2 more yrs to go..
good luck carol xD

birthday ^^

first and foremost..
happy birthday to myself ^^
thanks to my mum ...
for bringing mi to this world !

the second VIP ...
of course is my dear xD
thanks for accompany me
for the whole day ♥♥
it's actually more than enough !

i watching u.. u stay silent..
and u scare i unhappy
bcoz didn't get ur gift..
i m 心痛 ne.. ">_<"

honestly, no gift nvm de..
as long as u are with me..
always... ♥
that's more than enough

i'm happy to eat with u..
watch movie with u...
hang out with u..
play with u..

next year or following year...
don worry about gift .. o.o
i 不忍心 see ur worry look ">__<"
1 year plus plus le ..
still the same sentence..

every moment spent with u.. is a moment i treasure !!
it means the past, now and also future ♥

burn ~

i've something wrong le ... lols
went out with family two days..
2 days also 发火.. @_@
why become like that lols..
maybe don like to see someone..

today steamboat again..
i wasted money again.. lols..
why don born me same as others..
why let mi feel vomit bcoz of those smell..
why people can eat so happily..
why i have to avoid .. haiz...

lol back to 发火 ...
ytd angry and felt heart pain..
coz he done such thing again...Grrr
i hate him so much..
but anyhow he's still my dearest xxx..
this is fact and cannot be change lols
we just can hope he became better...

i kept telling myself..
whatever he took from my mum..
i will earn back double for her..
hope i can achieve it.. xDD
as usual.. i angry.. i tear ~
so i don wan to angry arghh...

today angry becoz of sister.. lols
even it's just super small thing..
i recall back again.. lol
y i always like that.. ">__<"
i always tell myself to calm..
let's calm calm calm...

but hor.. until now..
i still cannot angry infront u.. LOL
yuan lai u so pro... xD
i will become soft even feel angry..
let's continue...
i need control my EQ well..

blaaa...

o.o back to college life le..

feel much & much better..xD

sure la.. everyday can c someone xD

instead of listen to xxxx at home O.O

i notice something this few days..

i become super anti him lols..

that day my mum came to find me..

initially i agree to go out dinner

then i heard they wan go PJ..

i straight say no need .. lols..

today my mum say he will come kl..

then maybe bring us to lunch..

i also rejected strongly ... lols

what happened to me? @_@

is that really what i wan? ~_~

i've no idea ~ donno y ~ blek..

just feel don wan to meet him @@

am i so bad ? @__@

watever ~

xxx

o.o donno what title to put ne...
it's good also.. can let ppl guess xD
attract ppl to read my post..
wakakaka... xD
although we gt ntg to talk ~

so fast CNY 4th day le O.O
ytd just back from perak ~
it's super super tired lols
we stay overnight at there ~
sleep on living room floor..

new year wor...
sure get many ang pau..
o.o really get many..
before get le can dream..
wan to buy what gift for myself xD

now ah.. just enough for my
1 month plus de 生活费.. lols
kid and adult really different .. ">_<"
so.. new yr happy or not ne?
no happy no unhappy no feeling ~

pak tor happy or not le?
o.o secret lai de.. xD
will be reveal in diary hehe..

yuan lai today last day in bentong ~
this few days is super cold ~
no matter is weather or xxxx
maybe it is really cold .. hmm...
i think so ... lols.. sot jor xD

5.20pm le.. just finish my "brunch"
bentong nasi lemak.. quite nice..
many ppl queue to buy just now O.O
but it is also super pedas # #
haiz..

what can i do ne?
i don like stay home ~
and also going back... lols
i wan continue dream..
">_<" whatever la..

cny

hmm...
its CNY soon...
should b happy de..
cn get ang pau ma..
lols..

haiz...
don think so much...
lets go on as usual...
plz let mi graduate xDD
as soon as possible ~

i will study hard hard de..
i will able to protect u...
i will nt let him hurt u..
with his nasty words ARGH..

just now nearly argue with him...
even it's just small thing...
i really cnt bear his mouth...
how can be such bad...lols
i ve tahan for 20 yrs already Grr
i wonder when i can talk...
louder than him ?

when i got money?
when i got a house?
lols... long time to go..
hope that i can gv u ...
a better lifestyle...
a better house...
and best daughter...
until the end of ur life...

i was super scare ...
since doctor said u have only..
10 years max of ur life...
when u got the sick tat year...
i was really counting each yr...
now its already 12 yrs ...
and u already recovered...

but i'm still afraid...
i donno ...
when u are going to leave mi...
i haven even 报答 u...
so.. whenever u go out...
im super worry...
tat y when i bck home...
i must stick with u...
go wherever u want...

i know tat everyone will pass away..
but i don wan it to be happen...
although its impossible...
but pls...at least...
let me 尽尽孝道 ...

i asked u wat can i gift u...
when i was child...
bcoz i got no money and power..
u say... result good can le..
so tat u can b proud of mi...
infront others who look down u..

so.. i try super hard...
to achieve the only thing i can gift u...
as a student...a child...a daughter...
bcoz i know besides this..
im nothing... i cnt gift u anything...
other than study hard... TT

whenever i get good result...
i only want to let u know...
n when i get bad result..
i don want to let u know...lols...
coz i will feel myself so useless..
the only thing u wish from me..
and i cnt achieve it....lols...

so...plz let me graduate faster...
i want to work..
to repay back 20++ yrs..
of your best care...

whenever u tell mi how he treat u...
i am so angry and suffer...
bcoz i cnt do anything...
i only know cry lols....
hw come ppl dad cn be so good..
lols...

calm down calm down...
tmr is a good day..
thanks god u are still alive...
thanks god i m still growing up...
i will be a good daughter...
not like wat he said...
throw u to old folk home...
it is impossible...

bcoz he is the one Grrr...
but surely i wont do tat lols..
im not as cruel as he is...arghhh
although my hate for him
is ever increasing Grrr....

really nid calm down...
bb xD

TT

TT... im emo again...
although nothing happened...
why? bcoz the bomb was triggered...
u did not knew it...
bcoz u did nothing wrong..
i was the 1 who wrong TT..
i still cant let go it... TT
i tot everything went fine already..
but it isnt... TT
u treat me super good already...
but when i saw him...
donno whether is it really the ppl...
maybe i c wrongly...
but i felt suffer again... TT
i felt im bad...
i was unfaithful TT...
wat can i do # #
can i restart my life TT
u got to work tmr...until sunday..
i will be fine already ba... TT
anyways...
still thanks so much dear...
for treating me so good still...
although there's a needle forever...
it will always remind me...
to treat u better...
n not redo the mistake.. TT

whatever...
love continues..
i will keep on improve..
TT

wa..

woots.. yuan lai i'm in hostel already xDDD recall back last few days ~ my sis say her class until 7pm cannot take bus back home O.O omg my mood went down instantly lols.. then suddenly we go kl fetch her back home le @_@ ha.. luckily i brought lala back to hostel... if not i cant see it anymore until CNY ">__<" the last few days i was so excited ~ because my sis is back to home? LOLs... yaya... coz she is in home = i can back hostel with her xDD then i keep hoping this "few days" can pass quickly ~_~ finally it's yesterday O.O my mum still not giving up to ask me stay home ">__<" i say stomach pain... then she say "OO..then need stay home cure liao" LOL.. then i quickly say already cure xD... knowing that i won't stay home... then she say she wants go KL together with me LOL... then i say no need @__@ and so i get a response "重色轻友" ~_~ whatever ... i'm really like that ">__<" to be easy and not troublesome, we quickly get on the Bus.. instead of waiting for someone to fetch ~_~ this world still got ppl want money in order to fetch own kids back hostel ? yesss... anyways.. we didn't wish for his "fetch".. xD.. getting on the bus was more exciting xD.. becoz the bus broke on half way... lols... so we get down and stand on the roadside.. O.O waiting for another bus to get on xD.. a Genting bus came.. and we go up lo... although is standing.. but it's better than nothing O.O ... reached titiwangsa ~ struggling whether want to be safe and take monorail... then change LRT... then take bus... OR... straight walk through a small small danger road and go to opposite General Hospital to take bus straight reach hostel... xD.. ofcourse i choose second 1... coz faster xD then we take metrobus reach hostel.. O.O walking in to the hostel is super excited ~_~ finally saw u.. ">__<" back to room and fly to bath.. O.O bath also faster.. lols.. YESsss.. let me wait dao le ^^ .. laugh liao whole afternoon LOL... fa hiao again ">__<" anyways... thanks so much dear ♥♥ still accompany me for whole day xDD... muacks.. <3

yea..

lol.. count exactly..

13 days more to 4th feb ~

good.. since so early go back

nothing to do... lols

emo also useless ">_<"

haiz... 

donno why every sem break

i also macam mad girl

keep wan go back earlier..

then after go back..

still wan let ppl ask..

so early back hostel do wat?

still wan let mum say

so fast go back hostel do wat?

lols... 

carol ah carol...

meet late 1 day wont die de..

i also donno y i xxxx-ing like to meet lols..

fan zheng open school also sure can meet ~_~

rush what also donno.. # #

fine fine fine ...

let's continue miss xD 

stop argue sendiri @_@

ppl u ♥ sure worth waiting o.o

break record !

arghh.. how can I wrote so many words last year.. today I want to break record xDD.. let's see how many words I can "type" lols.. if ask me to recall back what I've written for the past 1 year.. I will only remember part of it.. So when I read back, I felt funny.. xD why am I so 肉麻.. so many ♥ on a post O.O almost every day the main focus on my post was about you.. our relationship.. how much i ♥ u O.O this is what called "fa hiao" or 思春 ? lols.. whatever... at least I know.. 在有生之年，有个人陪我度过甜酸苦辣 xDD.. and that's you.. my boy.. or my man? xD anyways.. what am I doing here now? o.o not sure... I'm too boring that I've played every game and don't know what to do right now ~ as usual... "Sem break" is what I always don like xD because it distances me from you.. lols.. ">__<" you will sure be wondering.. why this time sem break I did not keep saying "i miss u" ah... wan die ah... bla bla bla... LOL.. because i'm really missing you and i don't want you to know.. even u know u also cannot do anything ma... right.. @_@ .. the 1st day i back home.. which was friday.. I was so emo and down.. because I was forced to back ~ by who ? myself.. lols.. my parents keep ask me to back ~ but I want to stay.. wishing to meet u.. even few hours ? but I can't give my mum a reason to stay.. instead of let her say "wan boy don wan mum" i decides to back home lu.. xD.. after back home i regret xD.. lols.. i went to bath and cry O.O it has been long time i didn't cry le... funny lo? own decide to back and then cry sendiri ~_~ haiz... i find for it myself # # ... scientist says cry is good for health.. but not more than 15 minutes xD.. but whenever i do.. it is always more than that LOL... no wonder i will have gastric xD.. i found out every time back home also will feel gastric pain...  is it 心理作用？LOL...not sure.. when in hostel I didn't feel any pain.. xD maybe near to u.. O.O again.. relate to u.. fa hiao.. LOL... omg I just bitten my mouth T____T so painful.. still have 15 days to go.. how to pass ? lols.. the worst moment last sem also passed like this le.. so there's nothing that cannot pass... xD.. when I'm in my room... this position.. playing laptop... I will recall back how I suffer last sem.. @__@ and how u suffer.. sorry dear.. ">__<" make u disappointed .. TT.. but u told me it's already past.. u don care anymore.. o.o .. last sem break before open school... i still afraid after i meet u.. it will not be the same as before... maybe no more love.. or etc @_@.. that time really feel wan suicide... O.O whenever see people suicide, i will feel why they so stupid... but when things happen to u... then u will know the feeling.. wish to make urself disappear in this world xD... luckily.. u didn't do that to me.. instead.. u are just as usual.. and never ever talk about that issue infront me again.. ">__<" thanks dear..♥ .. but if u do so... i can't imagine how i gonna face u anymore... o.o maybe leave? # # .. anyways... fact is already fact.. cannot be changed.. lols.. there's sure be a needle there.. cannot be forgotten.. what i can do is.. trying to improve myself.. ">__<" .. don't always make u gek... don let u sad... although i always failed to do so... LOL... nvm... try again lo.. failure is the mother of success xD.. i know u wan to make me not so boring... so u play game with me.. O.O we played dragon saga this few days.. until midnight also no sleep... @__@ btw.. this few days really eat play sleep only ~ just like pig = = ... no choice... our education system ~ sem break is for what ? = = waste time.. if study continuously.. maybe 21 years old already graduate... xD but so fast graduate = separate with u again.. gg.. i don wan... xD... haiz... whatever la.. how long is my post already? @@... 769 words only !! omg.. not long enough... T__T.. still have many thing to talk ? hmm... some is un-talkable LOL... let's talk about lala.. its fur is really soft.. soft until i not dare to hug it so frequently.. LOL.. i scare the fur become messy xD.. how funny is this... you said if don wan hug then i gift u bear for what LOL.. i will hug it de la.. 最多 help him comb fur... xD.. how about bui bui ? o.o still cute as usual.. always help him take picture.. hehe... this is my life.. with bears full of the bed.. O.O next time maybe no chance put so many bears le... ">__<" .. pls don burn my bear xD.. i will mad.. @@.. today went out with mum... see dao my primary school... recall back my school life o.o yes got thing write le !!

Standard 1... i did a pro thing... i accidentally knock a people's head with iron ruler ">__<" then my class teacher punish me to stand on the bench ">__<" she still say initially wan let me be class monitor.. after that no need le.. lols... standard 1 is also the 1st and the only time i get 1st in class when exam.. after that.. never... lols... bcoz i promise my dad to get 1st when 6 yrs old... that time he bought me a bicycle.. i learn to ride bicycle on standard 1.. o.o

Standard 2.. they started to memorise multiplication table.. o.o i follow also... although i finish memorised all of it... forced by my aunt when i 3 years old.. lols siao... that's y my maths is abit better ">__<" .. we also always practice write chinese 生字.. every time back home do homework.. must write the word full of 1 page.. O.O i always starting by make the page like a square.. then man man write inside de word... like "口" xD...

Standard 3.. English need to take exam already... O.O become hard subject.. TT.. that time my english was so poor... lols.. but my maths was increasing.. it's also the time my mum sicked seriously and admitted into hospital for few months... i was crying everyday... every afternoon after finish class we will go to KL general hospital to visit my mum.. ">__<" doctor says her life max only 10 years if not recover... I'm super scare that time lols.. that time english exam i take low mark.. but never fail.. the teacher ask me why.. i cannot answer.. my heart was thinking about my mum.. lols..

Standard 4.. Every students must attend the tuition class in school... have to pay rm45 per month... but i'm the only 1 didn't attend tuition class... lols.. financial problem.. i'm super envy those who can.. @__@ my english is still so poor... and also malay.. my result is super worst.. get 23th among 30+ people in my class.. @@... my mum's sick still remain serious.. but not stay in hospital anymore... she not dare to go out of house.. i'm so sad lols.. my stupid dad leave us that year.. to KL.. lols.. my brother and i everyday have to go a friend's house outside wait their parent wake up fetch us go school... the people house got a dog.. i scare the dog @@ always jump out lick people = =

Standard 5.. we moved to new house xD without dad ! and that's where I live now.. the first house that we owned... bought by my mum.. 头期 still ask for grandmum's help.. tuition class? government come out a SBT donno what thing... allow poor student to go for tuition at half price... o.o then i can go tuition le.. xD happy.. because teacher sometimes will ask us things that learn in tuition class... no tuition de people donno lo ~_~ .. this year the guy i an lian changed to our class from second class.. our class first class o.o... everyday can see him O.O i invited him to my birthday party.. he got come ne... but after that donno what happen we become enemy ~_~ lols..

Standard 6.. teacher everyday talk UPSR UPSR ~_~ sien lo... last year in primary school... after that cant meet him anymore ? @@ not dare to talk to him.. until form 4 lols.. coz afraid he hate me.. got 1 day teacher change the seat of student... then change him to sit beside me ... i'm like OMG.. lols.. excited yet sad.. excited becoz he is beside me... sad becoz he won't talk to me... lols... after few days teacher change again... then he sit with another ppl le...">__<" I went to take part in Maths Competition.. bentong area de.. get 2nd O.O not bad ma.. 1st time get 奖杯 in my life.. UPSR exam lo... a 监考 teacher scold me... because i sleep @@ lols... primary school life end..

Form 1.. I went to Klang to study... at Kwang Hua (Private) high school.. have to stay in hostel... lols... ofcourse is sponsor by the 董教总... they say free to study for 6 years in the school... but have to write letter to our 干爹干娘 lols... and maintain good result + attitude ~ the school is not bad... but hostel is bad lols... kena bully by senior lo... got disorder liao ~ that y now in hostel stay with sister ">__<" that time in the school get nice result O.O 7A1B.. lols.. but after half year then leave le.. back to bentong de secondary school... but the school far from my house ~

Form 2.. changed to another school...known as the worst school in bentong... which situated just bottom of my Taman there.. form 2 that time is afternoon class ~ O.O 1pm start class... i 12pm only wake xDD... that time my friend Pei Yee always come my house play Maple with me xD.. we are in same class since primary standard 4 o.o .. geografi and sejarah is dead ~ so ghost hard lols...

Form 3... still in the same school... but is morning class liao..6am hv to wake up ">__<" ... geografi changed to a fierce teacher teach.. but teach dao good... we all scare of her @__@ she say answer objective question cannot circle the answer... must underline whole answer LOL... ke lian...mum allow me to go outside tuition...maths.. O.O.. not want go learn what.. just wan do exercise..xD trial PMR get 1A7B.. of course is math A... lols.. so cham... not dream so much for PMR... but get full A O.O..unexpected..

Form 4... changed school again... to where my brother study... and also where the guy study.. @__@ reason to change school is "want to take ICT subject"... becoz only the school have ICT... so I go into the same class with the guy again.. organized camp with him become helper O.O have chance to talk back with him... so excited ">__<" but just wan be friend.. lols.. after get full A.. then my mum allow me to tuition more subject xD.. add maths... o.o physics... physics i always bring many junk food + sweet go in eat.. LOL... the teacher so kind.. always smile with us only LOL.. but he teach like 催眠.. @@ fall sleep in his class always..

Form 5.. SPM lo... last year in secondary school... hopes to go college as soon as possible... because don like secondary school life.. all the subject are so boring... physic chemistry = = sejarah... lols.. teacher keep on push us to study until max... @__@ ke lian.. tuition still add maths + physics.. add maths so exciting... physics continue boring lols... luckily spm physic still got A.. if not really wasted 2 years money... @@ so it's the end of my secondary school life ~_~

then come to college le lo... u already know what's happening xD... knew a cute guy.. he will come chat with me.. an wei me when i sad xD.. after 1 or 2 weeks... then feel started to like him xD... then donno how together suddenly.. LOL... forget about the past.. the guy that i an lian o.o because no result de... this cute guy will got result xD... so we together liao 1 year + ... O.O i think my words should be exceed already ba ! 2174 words le !! LOL... so funny... add so many nonsence to 充数... ~_~ sure no people will finish read ba... whatever ... time to end xD

anyways... still ♥ u so much ... muacks...

假期？

一学期一次的假期又到噜。。
就是又要想你一个月 T___T 。。
不好玩的。。lols。。
不过，有的想好过没得想 xD

希望这个sem break平平淡淡。。
什么都不要发生。。
我不能承担那么多的heart break xD
因为我还小。。xD。。
小？LOL ！

原来今年开始填Age都要改成2字头了！
不是小孩子了！@___@
不过，在妈妈眼中没有长大过 = =
在哥哥姐姐眼中也是。。
在你眼中？不知道。。xD

放假咯。。
突然高潮突然闷到。。
college生活太变态了。。lol
还有两个semester。。
慢慢爱下去？（挨）LOL

回家的mission。。
1. 抱buibui。。
2. 睡够够！！
3. 玩够够 xD
4. 想下你就好。。不要太mad。。xD

wooo...that's all for today xD i love u still need to say ? understood liao gua xD