Status... change? 💍

 omg 说好的 stay tune next year 呢？😨😳

why am i back so soon?!?! must be something happened right?!?! right?!?!

it's just shy 4 months plus and I am here again!!

okay skip the boring sections like work + life which is basically the same forever 😆😅

and...

here we go...

i.....

am...

finally...

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 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! E N G A G E D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And picture time!!!

look at the victory pose of me that i did not share to social media 😆 

(but hey, no one is gonna raid your man LOLs)

and of course my favourite brownie must be at the scene!! holding the special 💍 !!!

we chose the 💍 together so i make sure that i like it 😂 (actually many people does that as well 😏)

and how it looks on my finger! diamond is not huge but i knew his love was huge 💗

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

sooooooooo how it all happened?!

since we had been together for 10 years.. and we also had N conversations about this topic (i mean who never talk about this LOLs)

and we kind of agreed that by end of the year it should be it (by we i mean he* 😅)

we are very different type of person and demand / 憧憬 different stuff! 👀

he insist that proposal should be a surprise but I actually don't need or don like surprise.. (human afraid of what they don't know and I take this to the max level 👻) 

I like everything planned ahead and follow the planning as I go, even when something random happen in the middle I can still adapt it (i'm actually quite flexible, but i just need to know the rough idea ahead!) 

how to explain it better? I like to know the movie ending even when I just started watching it 😂

so I kind of ask for tidbits every time we come close to the topic of proposal 😬

the more i asked, the more he is drained and exhausted, and it makes both of us down 😫 (thanks to my stupidity and personality! 💀)

knowing all my concerns and stupidity (after N times of emo for both of us 😂), he finally shared his plan with me!!! 

but he still decided to keep certain parts secret as he still have to answer to his own needs (the surprise part)

so i knew the exact day itself (so we can apply for leave 😂😂)

then i knew it is not at home (coz he knew i wanted special place with some decoration 🙈) but i donno where is the exact location until the actual day! 🥶

i also told him i dont want to be wearing fitgear clothes (the sport clothing that i wear everyday 😂😂)

then we went for 💍 shopping together! 

after viewing few shops and learnt some new knowledge about 💎 and at last chosen the one in SK jewellery 🙈

we asked for the smallest and cheapest 💍 🙈 (coz originally i am not a fan of 💎, i actually don't mind if proposal ring is not with diamond but with 🐻 😂😂😂)

and just so happen they have my size for the ring pattern i chosen! then we go for it! 😍

after the one-time-trying on my finger, then i never have the chance to see the 💍 anymore! (until actual day! 🙈)

when back to home he keep it hidden in his cabinet and i have to assume i didnt know the existence of the 💍 🙈

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

here come the actual day!!

we went out around 11am and while he driving i asked where is the location, he said is grand hyatt hotel 🏨 

so my hand itchy starts, i go to booking dot com to search the hotel and see the different types of room..

then i saw there is garden giew and tower view, so i asked him did u book tower view? (coz last time i did mention if choose near klcc must choose tower view! 🙈)

he say no, and he seems like donno there is tower view option, i started to feel emo as i thought he is not putting alot effort into planning this (which is the opposite 🥺)

then we went for lunch at klcc (din tai fung), we didnt order alot becoz I said i want to look slim 😂😂

he asked why am i emo and i told him my thoughts 🙈 (and this hurts him to the max.. so sorry 🥺)

at that point of time i still didn't realized that it hurts him so much lols.. stupid me.. 🙈

then i realized that as we walk back to car park and went into car.. it was a very sorrow moment (due to my stupidity 😞)

he pour out his thoughts and show me the vulnerable side of him 🥺 (at that moment my heart was torned into pieces because i 竟然 hurt him so much 🥺😭)

i have no idea what i can do to make him feel better 😞 

so i just hold his hand and tell him i really misunderstood him and i am really sorry 🙁 

(being an 好胜 adult it is really tough to say the apology words but i forced myself to... because thats the only thing i should and must do! 😔)

if you are Highly Sensitive Person + INFJ and you hurt people you are actually hurting yourself too 😧 

so i cried as well, i cried so hard to the point that i feel i don't deserve this guy (bcoz its a shame for me to make him cry 😢 and i didnt see this before in the past 10

yrs, at least not that serious 😭)

in my brain i am actually thinking 不如就算了，放过他放过大家就算了？since we seems so suffer and cant understand each other.. (no, its just me who not understand him 🥺)

"he had already made great effort, and made up his mind to willing to spend his life with u, how can u think of this irresponsible act?"

all this thoughts wander in my brain and makes me cry non stop 🥺

love is tough 😢

minutes gone, and slowly i started to calm down.. (which he already calm down long before i went into that mad crying session 😂)

then i said to him, i dont want to make him cry anymore, because it breaks my heart 😭

then we proceed to hotel after settling our emotion 🏨

(but my eyes are red 🐼) 

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

after checking in hotel (he did request to change to tower view! with just extra rm80 😂, and the room is spacious and nice 🤪)

we rest for a while and went out to pavilion (so the decorators people can come to do the magic! 🤪)

we walk around, gone to coffee bean ~ then go for dinner

after dinner at HoMinSan, we bought a flower 🌹 and a wine 🍷 and bring back to hotel 🏨  (and the decoration was finished just in time!)

 originally we plan there is just the two of us with the photoshooting (i have requested i wan a video recording 🙈 so greedy me 🤪)

his church friend guess that he was going to propose and offer help to do photoshooting for us 🙈 (because of my IG stories of hotel maybe 🤔)

so we went back to 🏨 and decided to do the actual round of the proposal first before his friend arrive 🙈 

to prepare my mood, when we arrive parking of the hotel, i ask him to go up first and i wait in the car 😂

then he went up to see the decorations & also to move my brownie 🐻 to the sofa 😂 (originally brownie was sitting on bed 🛏)

then he came down to bring me go up, i was so nervous 🤪 😬

when the hotel room door is opened and i walked into the room it is even more nervous!! 😱

cant believe it is gonna happen!!! 🤪🤪🤪 (the day i had been waiting for past N yearsss)

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

1 of the decoration fell down, and he quickly stick it back to the wall

then adjusted some balloon position 🎈 

and move me to the middle of the place 😳

and he play the song "Marry Me : Bruno Mars" in his phone

guess what i am doing? my brain was empty and cant function 😂

then he walk towards me...

ask me what should we do now

i tell him perhaps say some words ? 😂 words from the bottom of his heart

then there he go...

the actual words might be missing (the following is purely based on my memories 🥺)

"Chiew... Ca....rol，erm。。希望你感受到我的用心for这里的布置。。接下来我们可以一起走下去，一起生孩子。。一起活到老。。希望你可以接受我" (before he finish i already burst out crying 😭 probably due to the stack of emotion from past 10 years all at once! 😱 and also the bruno mars song!)

then he say "哪里有酱快的？！” （he means where got so fast cry one 😂)

then he continue while kneeling down "请问你可以嫁给我吗？” with a very sincere face that i can sense abit of 不知所措 in his eyes

i stunned for a moment (same like the stun when he first kissed me 🤪)

then i say "可以"

 then he put the 💍 on my finger 🤪🤪🤪🤪

（and i heard him saying 几怕你说不可以 which afterwards he said he didnt say this 🤪）

after i calm down, while waiting for his friend

its my turn to give him my words 🙈

then we move to the middle place again 😂😂

i hold his hand and i said (might not be actual words again, it is just based on my memories and my actual thoughts in current moment at the point of writing this post 😂)

 "谢谢你做的全部这些东西，谢谢你到最后还是选择了我，我知道我们两个原本已经要放弃了😭可是你还是选择和我一起走下去 😭😭😭 对不起伤了你，我以后都不想再弄你哭了😭😭"

another round of tears again 🤪🤪🤪

for how many times I have thought of being dumped or breaking up, and that's how many tears I drop in 1 single day! 😭 爱情真的虐心! 

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

after that, his friend arrived and helped us to do alot of photoshooting 😍

he also helped to shoot a staged proposal video 😂

basically he said the same thing but just lack of the 生孩子 part (bcoz he shy) and for me lack of the crying part 😂😂😂 (bcoz i am out of tears 😂😂😂)

everything else was similar 🙈

and thats it! the end of the dramatic proposal day! 

😂😂😂

then he sent his friend down to lobby and back, and we just have shower and rest ~

and ofcourse sharing the big news to social media 😆 and getting non stop notifications from phone all night long ~ and it persisted for few days 🤣🤣🤣

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

there it goes, once-in-a-lifetime sweetest moment of my life, engaged to the love of my life 😘

Thanks for everything Mr Ang 😍

Still the same sentence:

"Every moment spent with you, is a moment I treasure"

I said this 10 years ago, I say it now, and I will say it again in coming decades 🥺😍

Oh ya, upgrading status to Engaged in facebook has the same excitement as when I change the status to "in a relationship" with you 9 years ago 😆 (we decided to only make it public on facebook after 1 year of dating last time 😂)

Lastly, 我爱你 洪建隆 ❤️

it's time to update again!

yooooooooo i'm backkkkkkkk 😆

how is everything going? can i say it's smooth? (hmm.. not so.. 😕)

seems like i only update once a year xD so it should be as detail as possible?

nonono, some are P&C right 😏

so.. how's life treating me so far?

a viewpoint from outsider is definitely very positive..

u see this girl ah.. got talent got job got bf got food got house..& got hamster! 😏

nothing to worry right.. but that's all surface!

physical wellbeing doesn't equate to mental wellbeing.. (when did i become professional? lols)

sometimes u will just fall into a very dark spiral & stuck inside like forever until reality (life,work,stress,bills,bears xD) pulls u back.. (omg what am i writing?! i have no idea xD)

lols okay let's back to normal for a bit.. 

people say human only demonstrate the good on the internet :p for people to see.. (as in showoff/shai meng if u know cantonese 😏)

let me try to follow that 😉

-------i am breaking point-------

let's start with job.. 

how is my job currently? 

hmm.. the ultra stressful period is gone.. (like in 2020)

now it is like honeymoon period.. can chill can relax can research & improve the used-to-be-rocket-phase-built-solution LOLs..

and there it goes, another peak period is just coming my way.. 😈 a total revamp? hmm.. let's see

career wise? hmmm

- is the current job great enough to satisfy my 3 minute hot? 😏

- is the current working environment satisfying? (opps we are in wfh situation..😳)

- is this the place i see myself to still be at in 3 yrs time? (hmmmm...shhhh 🙊)

hmm... so far so good...? (that's my answer to anyone who ask me question related to job LOL)

okay job is done bye

-------i am breaking point-------

okay as usual.. next question is life.. how about life? 

i just went through a big change in life! (and so does him..lols)

we moved out from our original house and stay into his new house together..

omgggggggggg... is this co...habitate..? 😱😱😨😨😰😰

and without being married? 😱😲😳😵 (okay this is quite modern nowadays right.. lols)

that's what western people do.. even when they have kids already they're still fine with single status.. (hmm.. but ofcourse there will be another type of status like "de facto" relationship, can google yourself 😏)

okay back to me 😆 i am asian ofcourse i can't be so modern ! but i am still doing modern stuff anyways lolllll

yes we lived together in the same space now (isn't that what u always dreamed of for past 10 yrs? LOLs)

and due to the current lockdown situation, we are basically 24/7 see-ing each other except working hours (in separate rooms)

& yes there are alot of arguments, stuff u don like about him, stuff he don like about u, stuff u both don like, stuff u still insist to do even another person don like, stuff about hamster, stuff about placement, stuff about too many bears, stuff about freedom, stuff about space, staff about house chores, stuff about toilet, stuff about bed, stuff about electricity, stuff about money, stuff about grab food, stuff about literally any freaking little things 😉

& we started to conduct sprint review (by we is actually me 😁) just like scrum practice in IT world! LOLs so every 2 week we will talk about stuffs (yes stuff above) and each side must focus and listen whatever another side mentioned (forced to 😈) as the old folks saying "communication is the key to happy relationship", this is so freaking true and so I enforce it!! (no nego!) 

so in normal days we will just cold war and shut myself/himself up.. but in sprint review day u must speak out 😀 is this actually useful? (hmm.. let's see in coming few months LOL)

okay basically my life is just about adapting to this new lifestyle ~ 😉

oh ya..!! forgot to mention also the N-kilograms-furniture that we bought from iKEA together and move literally every single item (ultra big + big + small) back to our so called "home" now 😂 and everything (literally every single thing) is just done by 2 of us ! from nothing to everything! such a great sense of fulfillment when everything is completed. 😆 (opps most heavy one are actually by him.. shhhh 🙊)

-------i am breaking point-------

okay how about relationship?

are we still alive after stuck in this 24/7 no split lockdown? (yes i am, not sure about him though 😵)

i am okay to stick with him but he is the one that need absolute space & freedom for himself 😏 (which man not like this? come signup here lai LOL)

is the love still great enough for me to continue? (yessssssssssssssssssssssssss, alright? 😅)

are we ready to move on to next stage of life? (aren't u already in next stage? 🙊 LOL)

how many kids are we planning to get? (2... ?)

how many new bears is allowed? (0...?)

how many new hamster is allowed? (when all the current one is gone.. naturally..?)

soo... after all... when are you going to get married? lols.. let's just wait ... and see... ? 😳

-------i am breaking point-------

hmmm... everything sound so fun so bright right? how about myself?

have i found myself already? (no.. not yet...who am i? why am i in this world? LOLs)

have i become a better person in overall already? (no.. no progress.. define "better" please)

have i become great in saving money already? (no.. impossible..😟)

have i learnt to give instead of take already? (still learning.. a bit slow.. LOL)

have i gained weight again ? (omg this is super YES.. i am heavier already due to this stupid covid lockdown! coz calories intake is > calories burnt ! 👿 + i so lazy exercise 😖)

have i become capable in handling stress already? (i think ... yes?)

have i learn to pamper myself instead of pleasing others already? (in some ways.. yes?)

have i became matured? (i think yes.. at the age of 28 if u're still kid what else you want to achieve? LOLs - speaking from a kid viewpoint)

have i learn any new skills? (YES, i did vinyl flooring for my whole house + this current new house, can it be consider a skill? quotation we got for full house vinyl flooring is rm4k+ but i did everything with just rm800+ 😀)

what did i learned in this year? (decision making is hard, once you've chosen, be content with it 😉)

what am i going to do next? (get a kid? LOL no)

-------i am breaking point-------

Tada ~ that's all for the update ! stay tune next year!

from 🧸