Status... change? 💍

 omg 说好的 stay tune next year 呢？😨😳

why am i back so soon?!?! must be something happened right?!?! right?!?!

it's just shy 4 months plus and I am here again!!

okay skip the boring sections like work + life which is basically the same forever 😆😅

and...

here we go...

i.....

am...

finally...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! E N G A G E D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And picture time!!!

look at the victory pose of me that i did not share to social media 😆 

(but hey, no one is gonna raid your man LOLs)

and of course my favourite brownie must be at the scene!! holding the special 💍 !!!

we chose the 💍 together so i make sure that i like it 😂 (actually many people does that as well 😏)

and how it looks on my finger! diamond is not huge but i knew his love was huge 💗

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

sooooooooo how it all happened?!

since we had been together for 10 years.. and we also had N conversations about this topic (i mean who never talk about this LOLs)

and we kind of agreed that by end of the year it should be it (by we i mean he* 😅)

we are very different type of person and demand / 憧憬 different stuff! 👀

he insist that proposal should be a surprise but I actually don't need or don like surprise.. (human afraid of what they don't know and I take this to the max level 👻) 

I like everything planned ahead and follow the planning as I go, even when something random happen in the middle I can still adapt it (i'm actually quite flexible, but i just need to know the rough idea ahead!) 

how to explain it better? I like to know the movie ending even when I just started watching it 😂

so I kind of ask for tidbits every time we come close to the topic of proposal 😬

the more i asked, the more he is drained and exhausted, and it makes both of us down 😫 (thanks to my stupidity and personality! 💀)

knowing all my concerns and stupidity (after N times of emo for both of us 😂), he finally shared his plan with me!!! 

but he still decided to keep certain parts secret as he still have to answer to his own needs (the surprise part)

so i knew the exact day itself (so we can apply for leave 😂😂)

then i knew it is not at home (coz he knew i wanted special place with some decoration 🙈) but i donno where is the exact location until the actual day! 🥶

i also told him i dont want to be wearing fitgear clothes (the sport clothing that i wear everyday 😂😂)

then we went for 💍 shopping together! 

after viewing few shops and learnt some new knowledge about 💎 and at last chosen the one in SK jewellery 🙈

we asked for the smallest and cheapest 💍 🙈 (coz originally i am not a fan of 💎, i actually don't mind if proposal ring is not with diamond but with 🐻 😂😂😂)

and just so happen they have my size for the ring pattern i chosen! then we go for it! 😍

after the one-time-trying on my finger, then i never have the chance to see the 💍 anymore! (until actual day! 🙈)

when back to home he keep it hidden in his cabinet and i have to assume i didnt know the existence of the 💍 🙈

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

here come the actual day!!

we went out around 11am and while he driving i asked where is the location, he said is grand hyatt hotel 🏨 

so my hand itchy starts, i go to booking dot com to search the hotel and see the different types of room..

then i saw there is garden giew and tower view, so i asked him did u book tower view? (coz last time i did mention if choose near klcc must choose tower view! 🙈)

he say no, and he seems like donno there is tower view option, i started to feel emo as i thought he is not putting alot effort into planning this (which is the opposite 🥺)

then we went for lunch at klcc (din tai fung), we didnt order alot becoz I said i want to look slim 😂😂

he asked why am i emo and i told him my thoughts 🙈 (and this hurts him to the max.. so sorry 🥺)

at that point of time i still didn't realized that it hurts him so much lols.. stupid me.. 🙈

then i realized that as we walk back to car park and went into car.. it was a very sorrow moment (due to my stupidity 😞)

he pour out his thoughts and show me the vulnerable side of him 🥺 (at that moment my heart was torned into pieces because i 竟然 hurt him so much 🥺😭)

i have no idea what i can do to make him feel better 😞 

so i just hold his hand and tell him i really misunderstood him and i am really sorry 🙁 

(being an 好胜 adult it is really tough to say the apology words but i forced myself to... because thats the only thing i should and must do! 😔)

if you are Highly Sensitive Person + INFJ and you hurt people you are actually hurting yourself too 😧 

so i cried as well, i cried so hard to the point that i feel i don't deserve this guy (bcoz its a shame for me to make him cry 😢 and i didnt see this before in the past 10

yrs, at least not that serious 😭)

in my brain i am actually thinking 不如就算了，放过他放过大家就算了？since we seems so suffer and cant understand each other.. (no, its just me who not understand him 🥺)

"he had already made great effort, and made up his mind to willing to spend his life with u, how can u think of this irresponsible act?"

all this thoughts wander in my brain and makes me cry non stop 🥺

love is tough 😢

minutes gone, and slowly i started to calm down.. (which he already calm down long before i went into that mad crying session 😂)

then i said to him, i dont want to make him cry anymore, because it breaks my heart 😭

then we proceed to hotel after settling our emotion 🏨

(but my eyes are red 🐼) 

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

after checking in hotel (he did request to change to tower view! with just extra rm80 😂, and the room is spacious and nice 🤪)

we rest for a while and went out to pavilion (so the decorators people can come to do the magic! 🤪)

we walk around, gone to coffee bean ~ then go for dinner

after dinner at HoMinSan, we bought a flower 🌹 and a wine 🍷 and bring back to hotel 🏨  (and the decoration was finished just in time!)

 originally we plan there is just the two of us with the photoshooting (i have requested i wan a video recording 🙈 so greedy me 🤪)

his church friend guess that he was going to propose and offer help to do photoshooting for us 🙈 (because of my IG stories of hotel maybe 🤔)

so we went back to 🏨 and decided to do the actual round of the proposal first before his friend arrive 🙈 

to prepare my mood, when we arrive parking of the hotel, i ask him to go up first and i wait in the car 😂

then he went up to see the decorations & also to move my brownie 🐻 to the sofa 😂 (originally brownie was sitting on bed 🛏)

then he came down to bring me go up, i was so nervous 🤪 😬

when the hotel room door is opened and i walked into the room it is even more nervous!! 😱

cant believe it is gonna happen!!! 🤪🤪🤪 (the day i had been waiting for past N yearsss)

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

1 of the decoration fell down, and he quickly stick it back to the wall

then adjusted some balloon position 🎈 

and move me to the middle of the place 😳

and he play the song "Marry Me : Bruno Mars" in his phone

guess what i am doing? my brain was empty and cant function 😂

then he walk towards me...

ask me what should we do now

i tell him perhaps say some words ? 😂 words from the bottom of his heart

then there he go...

the actual words might be missing (the following is purely based on my memories 🥺)

"Chiew... Ca....rol，erm。。希望你感受到我的用心for这里的布置。。接下来我们可以一起走下去，一起生孩子。。一起活到老。。希望你可以接受我" (before he finish i already burst out crying 😭 probably due to the stack of emotion from past 10 years all at once! 😱 and also the bruno mars song!)

then he say "哪里有酱快的？！” （he means where got so fast cry one 😂)

then he continue while kneeling down "请问你可以嫁给我吗？” with a very sincere face that i can sense abit of 不知所措 in his eyes

i stunned for a moment (same like the stun when he first kissed me 🤪)

then i say "可以"

 then he put the 💍 on my finger 🤪🤪🤪🤪

（and i heard him saying 几怕你说不可以 which afterwards he said he didnt say this 🤪）

after i calm down, while waiting for his friend

its my turn to give him my words 🙈

then we move to the middle place again 😂😂

i hold his hand and i said (might not be actual words again, it is just based on my memories and my actual thoughts in current moment at the point of writing this post 😂)

 "谢谢你做的全部这些东西，谢谢你到最后还是选择了我，我知道我们两个原本已经要放弃了😭可是你还是选择和我一起走下去 😭😭😭 对不起伤了你，我以后都不想再弄你哭了😭😭"

another round of tears again 🤪🤪🤪

for how many times I have thought of being dumped or breaking up, and that's how many tears I drop in 1 single day! 😭 爱情真的虐心! 

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

after that, his friend arrived and helped us to do alot of photoshooting 😍

he also helped to shoot a staged proposal video 😂

basically he said the same thing but just lack of the 生孩子 part (bcoz he shy) and for me lack of the crying part 😂😂😂 (bcoz i am out of tears 😂😂😂)

everything else was similar 🙈

and thats it! the end of the dramatic proposal day! 

😂😂😂

then he sent his friend down to lobby and back, and we just have shower and rest ~

and ofcourse sharing the big news to social media 😆 and getting non stop notifications from phone all night long ~ and it persisted for few days 🤣🤣🤣

----------------------------i am breaking point----------------------------

there it goes, once-in-a-lifetime sweetest moment of my life, engaged to the love of my life 😘

Thanks for everything Mr Ang 😍

Still the same sentence:

"Every moment spent with you, is a moment I treasure"

I said this 10 years ago, I say it now, and I will say it again in coming decades 🥺😍

Oh ya, upgrading status to Engaged in facebook has the same excitement as when I change the status to "in a relationship" with you 9 years ago 😆 (we decided to only make it public on facebook after 1 year of dating last time 😂)

Lastly, 我爱你 洪建隆 ❤️

it's time to update again!

yooooooooo i'm backkkkkkkk 😆

how is everything going? can i say it's smooth? (hmm.. not so.. 😕)

seems like i only update once a year xD so it should be as detail as possible?

nonono, some are P&C right 😏

so.. how's life treating me so far?

a viewpoint from outsider is definitely very positive..

u see this girl ah.. got talent got job got bf got food got house..& got hamster! 😏

nothing to worry right.. but that's all surface!

physical wellbeing doesn't equate to mental wellbeing.. (when did i become professional? lols)

sometimes u will just fall into a very dark spiral & stuck inside like forever until reality (life,work,stress,bills,bears xD) pulls u back.. (omg what am i writing?! i have no idea xD)

lols okay let's back to normal for a bit.. 

people say human only demonstrate the good on the internet :p for people to see.. (as in showoff/shai meng if u know cantonese 😏)

let me try to follow that 😉

-------i am breaking point-------

let's start with job.. 

how is my job currently? 

hmm.. the ultra stressful period is gone.. (like in 2020)

now it is like honeymoon period.. can chill can relax can research & improve the used-to-be-rocket-phase-built-solution LOLs..

and there it goes, another peak period is just coming my way.. 😈 a total revamp? hmm.. let's see

career wise? hmmm

- is the current job great enough to satisfy my 3 minute hot? 😏

- is the current working environment satisfying? (opps we are in wfh situation..😳)

- is this the place i see myself to still be at in 3 yrs time? (hmmmm...shhhh 🙊)

hmm... so far so good...? (that's my answer to anyone who ask me question related to job LOL)

okay job is done bye

-------i am breaking point-------

okay as usual.. next question is life.. how about life? 

i just went through a big change in life! (and so does him..lols)

we moved out from our original house and stay into his new house together..

omgggggggggg... is this co...habitate..? 😱😱😨😨😰😰

and without being married? 😱😲😳😵 (okay this is quite modern nowadays right.. lols)

that's what western people do.. even when they have kids already they're still fine with single status.. (hmm.. but ofcourse there will be another type of status like "de facto" relationship, can google yourself 😏)

okay back to me 😆 i am asian ofcourse i can't be so modern ! but i am still doing modern stuff anyways lolllll

yes we lived together in the same space now (isn't that what u always dreamed of for past 10 yrs? LOLs)

and due to the current lockdown situation, we are basically 24/7 see-ing each other except working hours (in separate rooms)

& yes there are alot of arguments, stuff u don like about him, stuff he don like about u, stuff u both don like, stuff u still insist to do even another person don like, stuff about hamster, stuff about placement, stuff about too many bears, stuff about freedom, stuff about space, staff about house chores, stuff about toilet, stuff about bed, stuff about electricity, stuff about money, stuff about grab food, stuff about literally any freaking little things 😉

& we started to conduct sprint review (by we is actually me 😁) just like scrum practice in IT world! LOLs so every 2 week we will talk about stuffs (yes stuff above) and each side must focus and listen whatever another side mentioned (forced to 😈) as the old folks saying "communication is the key to happy relationship", this is so freaking true and so I enforce it!! (no nego!) 

so in normal days we will just cold war and shut myself/himself up.. but in sprint review day u must speak out 😀 is this actually useful? (hmm.. let's see in coming few months LOL)

okay basically my life is just about adapting to this new lifestyle ~ 😉

oh ya..!! forgot to mention also the N-kilograms-furniture that we bought from iKEA together and move literally every single item (ultra big + big + small) back to our so called "home" now 😂 and everything (literally every single thing) is just done by 2 of us ! from nothing to everything! such a great sense of fulfillment when everything is completed. 😆 (opps most heavy one are actually by him.. shhhh 🙊)

-------i am breaking point-------

okay how about relationship?

are we still alive after stuck in this 24/7 no split lockdown? (yes i am, not sure about him though 😵)

i am okay to stick with him but he is the one that need absolute space & freedom for himself 😏 (which man not like this? come signup here lai LOL)

is the love still great enough for me to continue? (yessssssssssssssssssssssssss, alright? 😅)

are we ready to move on to next stage of life? (aren't u already in next stage? 🙊 LOL)

how many kids are we planning to get? (2... ?)

how many new bears is allowed? (0...?)

how many new hamster is allowed? (when all the current one is gone.. naturally..?)

soo... after all... when are you going to get married? lols.. let's just wait ... and see... ? 😳

-------i am breaking point-------

hmmm... everything sound so fun so bright right? how about myself?

have i found myself already? (no.. not yet...who am i? why am i in this world? LOLs)

have i become a better person in overall already? (no.. no progress.. define "better" please)

have i become great in saving money already? (no.. impossible..😟)

have i learnt to give instead of take already? (still learning.. a bit slow.. LOL)

have i gained weight again ? (omg this is super YES.. i am heavier already due to this stupid covid lockdown! coz calories intake is > calories burnt ! 👿 + i so lazy exercise 😖)

have i become capable in handling stress already? (i think ... yes?)

have i learn to pamper myself instead of pleasing others already? (in some ways.. yes?)

have i became matured? (i think yes.. at the age of 28 if u're still kid what else you want to achieve? LOLs - speaking from a kid viewpoint)

have i learn any new skills? (YES, i did vinyl flooring for my whole house + this current new house, can it be consider a skill? quotation we got for full house vinyl flooring is rm4k+ but i did everything with just rm800+ 😀)

what did i learned in this year? (decision making is hard, once you've chosen, be content with it 😉)

what am i going to do next? (get a kid? LOL no)

-------i am breaking point-------

Tada ~ that's all for the update ! stay tune next year!

from 🧸

It's me again 👀

Yoyoyo, I am back again after 1 year 1 month plus 😆
soooooo... how is everything so far?
2020 is a terrible year for most of the human..
but it is definitely a huge change for everything.. hmm..😌
---
eg. work from home is no longer a dream.. 
but a disaster also? LOL 😵
initially we thought work from home must be fun..
who know it further demonstrate the workaholic ability.. 😰
especially for the perfectionist like me.. ">__<"

imagine working from morning until midnight 12am (in the same room)
and yes I still haven't change job 😌
although it has been a ultra stressful year for me.. 😅 (or maybe not ultra? just normal?😳)
okay work is over.. as long as still not dead yet ~ 😌
---
how about life? 😳
have i found my purpose in life? 😵
nooo... i am still as confused as before.. 😵
not knowing what I want or what is my purpose 😰
do human really need purpose in life? 😕
what's for to be alive if there is no purpose? 😵
if watch youtube enough, then can know the answer LOL
"find your confidence, then you will find your purpose!" 😌 (from donno which youtuber)
but where to find my confidence? coding? 😳
---
oh ya.. i changed my car!
小黄 is gone 😫 and replaced by 小白.. ✌
my thought is to change car every 5 years..(y so waste?) 😵
this year is the 5th year & so i changed 😳
bcoz people say after 5 yrs car will start to have problem..
& i am afraid to maintain car outside of original factory >__<
so what is the next potential car after 5 years? back to Axia? 😅
---
and yes, we bought another house 😳
is it a decision made wisely? (not sure..😰)
is it a impulse decision? (yes for me..😅)
is there a risk? (😳 maybe.. but hope not)
is the location strategic? (quite.. 😗)
is the pricing reasonable? (😳 reasonable before covid, maybe not after covid?)
can we afford total of X houses in coming future? (😵 hopefully)

but wait... what if we are not together anymore? 😳
what if he end up choosing another girl? (imaginative one? LOL😳)
choi choi choi.. don always so pessimistic okay 😌 (although i am..)
okay let's be serious.. even if the worst case happen.. 
we will just go through the flow as it come then.. 😢
wait for the house to finish construction at 2025 and sell it?
there will always be a solution i believe 😗
---
how about our relationship? 👫
has it grow stronger? (i hope yes 😌)
has it became stable? (i think yes..? 😳)
has it already ready to move on to next stage? (i think not..😅)
but has it already provide me the affirmation that he is the one? (i think so..😗)
bla bla bla this is just my one sided story anyways 😌
and even after 9th years, i still cannot know what is inside his mind 😗
i think i will never understand him 😆
nvm, i will try again 😗💪 (if only there is a life time for me to try 😆)
---
how about myself? let's have some reflection..
- did i already become matured? 😳 (i think yes.. in some cases..😌)
- did i already capable of handling stress? (maybe...? 😆 since i haven't change job LOL)
- did i finally grow up? 😆 (i hope so... 😎 not so dependent anymore can consider?)
- did i learn to save money? (nooo.. i will never achieve this.. 😟😟)
- did i gain weight? (yesss... become fatty soon 😭)
- did i do something i will never do previously? (yessss... i started to have hamster as pet!😎)
- did i excel in my skill? (no.. not much improvement this year..😟)
- what did i learnt this year? 😵 (i am getting old 😆😅)
- what i want to do next year? (get a kid? LOL? 😰 i hope i am kidding 😆, it is never easy to become parent anyways 😗.. okay get a new hobby maybe 😌)
yay end of update ~ stay tune next year! 😆😆

from 🧸

Just to update myself 🎃

yay fast forward to another year in life 🎃
it has been almost 1 year since my last post 🤭
reading blog feels like experiencing one’s life in fast pace 😂

okay how’s life after that? hmm...👀
changed my job 🧸
moved into new house (my own house 😍)
grew up ? lols 🤡 (ridiculous lols)
learnt to wash toilet 😳 (isn’t it....)
learnt to eat on time 🤭 (shouldn’t u already...)
learnt to eat alone and enjoy alone 🤐 (opps..)
learnt to take lrt happily 🙀 (why not happy...)
learnt to fill my own time fully 🤡

why sound like a after-broke-up-change? 👀
yes indeed 🤭 that tragedy really turn me upside down 🙃
but we are still together yay 🤪

not sure how long it will last 👵
not sure what is your thought either 💁‍♀️ (still cnt understand u after 8 yrs 😂)
not pushing anything 🙅‍♀️
and live like there’s no tomorrow 💃

how did i made the change above? 🧐
because one day i read somewhere on the net 🤨 (trusted source?)
it says “life is meant to be lonely, u came alone and you will go alone as well”
that sentence just strike me in the head 🤯

and thus i learnt the fact that i am lonely (feels lonely) and thats totally alright 😢
everyone else is the same though...(feels lonely to the point that we think no one will understand)
even if we have family / friends / lover, you still need to be alone to face most of the things 🥺
harsh truth 😟 but i finally learnt it 😏

yay congrats 🥳
you just had your second puberty 😂

my mind cant stop spinning whenever i am conscious
is like thousand of what why how when who is going on every minute 🤪
(and i literally google that random question that pop out every time)
seems like a gift to be curious at everything (bill gates also curious in everything LOL)
but at the same time also a curse to myself 😔

i can go very deep into just 1 question.. and stucked for a very long period of time until i get out 🥺
when deal w people i just control myself to not ask so many questions lol
but when i am alone my brain is at mad 🤪
that makes me a very emotional person.. 😔

example:
why i need to grow up?
- then turned into...
- why grow up is so cruel,
- why i cant be a little girl stick beside my mum anymore?
- why i go to work alone everyday?
- why i have to find food myself?
- how come the road to work is taking 1 hour plus?
- why is everyone looking at their phone on train?
- why are the people keep pushing me on train?
- should i buy some cereal in groceries store?
- am i going to be in the dark and silence when i die?
- how am i gonna live my life when my mum is no longer in the world?
- what will i do in 30 yrs time?
- will i still be with him?
- will i ever have kids?
- should i change job?
- should i get a new car or house?

so many random questions pop out at the same time 🤯
i wonder how is other people brain works.. 😔
did they just think of nothing while swiping phone?
or did they just live at the moment and don ask the brain so many questions 🤨

my brain should have hated me by now 🤩

good luck brain 🤓

from 🧸

It's me 😳

Today is just a normal day 🙃
Why I have not written anything after broke up? 😿
Because I scared it will happen any time.. now or coming months...

Yes we got back together..
You said for one last time...
If it is really not working out..
Then we're done.. 😭

Okay stories go like this..
We broke up and got back the next day after went through hell of crying...
And still continue crying silently for next couple of days
Plus weeks of thinking whether I have made a right choice..  🙃 (Because the 'get bck tgt' moment I'm not in calm mode, the finger act faster than brain without processing)

And yes.. After thorough consideration I have already appointed you as my first and last no matter the breakup happen again or not.. (Opps.. isnt it always that case? 😳)

And I have finally see through the relationship thingy.. I am not wanting for result anymore..(eg marriage, kids or future) I value more on the process now 😌

As long as we have experienced it.. There's no more regret if we didnt make it at the end.. 😿 There's only sadness 😳

Btw the heartbreak is real hurt.. I still cant forget the feeling.. and I tear automatically every time I thought of that moment. or when I sing the song 'Remember when' while driving to office (That's the song playing at the breakup day) 🙈

I wish I would not experience this anymore.. But life always throw lemon at us..so no choice but just deal with it accordingly.. 😿

So.. 1 sentence to describe my current situation? 'Live like there's no tomorrow'.. Try my best to nurture our small ship (relation) and hope it grow up stronger 🙃

They once said relationship will get stronger if u hv experienced breakup.. but there's another saying as well which is those who broke up will still breakup at the end.. 😳 I think it really depends on fate then.. 😿

Lets hope for the best 😏

From 🐻

the end of us.. 😭

today mark the end of our 6 yrs plus relationship.. 😭

my feeling is more than sad.. i cannot describe it.. i felt both of us hurts so deep... even u are the one who initiated..

i cant fall asleep even i did not think anything..
the thing that i afraid since the initial phase of relationship finally happens..

we have no fate.. 😭
we are destined to passed by each other...

tomorrow onwards i will lost u forever...
i cant get close to u anymore..
i cant hold ur hand..
i cant declare ownership..
i cant smell u...
i cant have future w u...
kai xuan is not happening..😭

i look thru the windows..
i see emptiness...

my heart is kosong now..

whats inside of me.. 😭

my tears dried and wet for N times repeatedly..

but growing up means life still goes on no matter what happened..

i still have to go to office tomorrow..
with my broken into pieces heart..
and a shell without soul..

life goes on..
sadness stay..
insomnia starts..

sad for no reason..

its 4am right now..
im actually very tired & hungry..
bugs cannot be fixed & so do i..
the moment i lie on the bed..
my tear started to roll..
why? for no reason..

tomorrow is working day!
and wat r u doing right now?
Y_Y seems like an emotional day..
is it bcoz of stress?
i have no idea...

just burst into tears when thought of mummy...😭

macam baby girl.. 😢
how i wish i am still a kid..
who can enjoy protection from her..
no matter what happen i feel safe.. 😭

i am not ready to be adult yet 😭
but all of us forced to grow..

with great power comes great responsibility..
i m just not ready...😢

i feel insecure...
and lonely..
in this big big world.. 😞

it's me again..

is this our final destination?
i can't stop crying...
i always know i will lost u someday..
i just cannot predict it was yesterday..

you said not to meet for weeks..
i think it is just another way to let me get used to life without you..

i know we will end someday..
but it is still so damn hurt..
i know time will cure..
but how i stop crying now..
how i going to work professionally next week..

i always love u no matter how u treated me..
but i know i am just not your girl..
i am not great enough for you to make a change in your mindset..
no matter how hard i try.. and how hard u try.. (i know u were trying..)

i am just too sad.. but i will take care.. no worries

Its me again :p

yo.. i am back ~
still the little kid @@
who talk with bears always :3
is that call childish?

不知不觉我已经24岁 @@
为什么感觉好像很老了 😣
男生永远不了解。。
因为他们越老越成熟 🙄
而且还越吃香tim~

所以大多数都是女生紧张
男生就过一天算一天😏
计划呢? 没有。。@@
囧境来了 o(╯□╰)o

====剧透 spoiler，自己看着办====
看了By My Side之后发现
里面的男女状况和我们的很接近
女生不能接受远距离 #_# (你都还近距离 LOL)
她只想在本地安安稳稳做工结婚生子
男生却还有他未完成的梦想 (深造，学习) @@
要去外国生活，读书。。完全没有两个人的plan
两个互不退让。。🙁
最后女生放弃了，也嫁人了😣
青梅竹马/初恋 瞬间消失 ☹

回想下自己。。
想想接下来会不会就如此了 😢

不过我才是那个想要出国的 @@
也是那个想快点成家的 @@ (超级矛盾😆)

可是出了就没了 😢 (看戏后遗症😂😂)
不出就永远stuck在自己的安乐窝 🙁
这可是我小心翼翼维护了6年的东西 😣

专家说，既然开始了，就得坚持下去🤤
想放弃的时候 就想想当初为了什么而坚持到现在☹

我们有过无数次的谈话。。🙁
可是没有一次是有结果的 @@
我们对未来的想法差距太大🙁
也不知要怎么去拿到那个平衡点😂
所以每次都不了了之😢

男生肯定一下就忘了谈话内容😆
女生就一直耿耿于怀🙁
因为女生是感性的，好像电影里面那样
她慢慢发现他们完全是不同世界的人
对未来/想要的 都有不同的想法
所以就算多么的伤心 😢
也会忍痛放手 @@

因为女生不能骗自己会和对方一直到最后 😣
因为其实直觉已经告诉她答案了 😢

所以呢，为什么我们还可以坚持下来?
因为我还没尽全力 🙁
我不要就这样放弃6年的心血😢
你说 坏了要修 不是丢 😣
我们一直都在尝试 fixing @@
虽然外人看来是在拖拖拉拉 😣

我相信真爱一定是必经磨练和波折的!
所以我从来都不会说出那个不能说的话 😣
就算有人建议放弃😏

======我是分割线=====
话说回来，我到底要出国吗? ☹
好像戏里的男生
出国是从小的梦想@@
想必我也是吧 😣

可是出国意味着
增加分开的机率 😢
因为我不可以接受远距离@@
加上你每次都很"忙" @@
一定会更加严重 😢

留在这里等成家吗?🙁
可是那个一直都是未知数😢
这个就是女生所谓的"没有安全感"?😣
看不到你策划的未来🙁
也看不到你的未来到底有没有我😢

不知为何从刚开始pakto到现在
都一直觉得没有安全感，
不知几时会突然被飞 🙁
还是不知几时自己会放弃😢

我又应该怎么做? ☹

my sleepless night ~

明天起身又是一只好Bear!

O.O I'm Back ！！

低潮期过完了~ lalala ~

hmmm.. so what happened? o.O

nothing big actually xD

new year new job lalala ~

YEAP, NEW JOB !

hmm.. actually my plan is not that soon ~

my initial plan is to change after Taiwan trip O.O

opps what is that? hmm.. yo our first foreign Trip !! 

LOL.. seems like missing a lot of thing in this blog xD

hahaha.. didn't think of record all these precious moment ~

ok let's back to the main topic !

since i was being stressed until mad, 

the best solution was to change ! lalala ~

but I didn't actually open up my resume..

just so ngam that a few company approach me..

so I just give them a try :p

and I have took 6 days leaves within CNY period,

why waste it and slack in home? LOL 

so just take that opportunity to meetup xD

had tried around 4 and found out i super like 1 of them !

then so happy they offer me too.. xD

so I went to talk w boss O.O

that was my first time in life !!

i feel so gan jiong lols..  to tender ">__<"

after going into the boss room for 11 mins (someone count for me LOL?)

and there it goes !! I said I would like to stay until end of March

to help with the transition period and hand over ~

bcoz the skills is still new and not easy to hire ppl o.o

so I sent the email and forward to HR and tada ~

that's all for my life first permanent job ~

hmmm...questions come..

don't u think here is the most suitable place?

in terms of location (near to bf <3)

the office environment (big table + monitor + space)

friendly human xDDDD

job scope match with my skillset (but not timeline!)

and distance to my current house O.O

so why still leaving? ">__<"

hmmm... that's PnC lalalalala ~

LOL.. then why bullshit so much ?

lalala I like it xD 

---------------------------------------

okay next topic !

our first Foreign Trip !!!

so how it all started? O.O

hmm.. it all comes with 冲动 and Passion

one day, i saw "oppa sharing 【歐爸 旅游 分享站】"

post the promotion of AirAsia flight ticket..

then I faster grab the opportunity and discuss w him <3

tada ~ we bought our flight ticket LOL

then we plan to wait until 2017 only plan the schedule ~

then just so ngam in festival we saw a booth ~

the ppl selling travel package to taiwan ~

actually their company sell Wedding Photo package ~

then now they offer Travel Package as well ~

after listen to explanation, we signed !!

feels like so 冲动 @@ lols

so, they will plan for our schedule, meal, hotel bla bla bla ~

we only have to choose the place we like / food we like?

hmm.. but still so worry about the reality ...

afraid everything will be different when we arrive taiwan LOL

hmm... but with faith in heart everything will be smooth ! LOL

then we also proceed to MidValley and exchange MYR for NTD

too bad the rate is dropped just after we change the money !!!

ARGHHHHH.. however, it rises again ~_~

yo.. that's all for our first trip xD...

hope it is a smooth one !

----------------------------------------

hmm.. seems like i forget to mention about my house 

O.O I have a house ? O.O O.O O.O

this blog is really out dated LOLLL

yeap, I have my first HOUSE !!!!!! 

At the age of 23 !!! O.O 232323232323 LOLLLL

ofcourse that's with the help of mum (Mum is best !)

from april 2016 to july/august 2016.. 

i'm super busy with the housing things ~

keep on research & research & research

and lastly I got my first house hehe..

under my name O.O 

the procedure of purchasing a house is not simple ">__<"

have to gone through a lot of up and down ~

supportive and unsupportive comments ~

afraid of getting cheated ~

afriad of cannot afford the installment ~

afraid of bank not approve loan ~

afraid of developer cannot finish build my house TT

afraid of future moving in issue ~

afraid of future husband issue ~ 

bla bla bla ~ 

so far I only encountered half of the issue ~

how about the rest ? hmm.. when the day arrive, it will resolve LOL

so how it goes ? initially ofcourse started by searching for houses 

have to search for house with low price, not too far like kajang ~

not old ~ with 3 rooms ~ with 2 bath ~ size doesn't matter to us :p

mum say smaller is cheaper and better for cleaning LOL

then tada ~ I found the house I bought !!

the agent share on FB and ask us to leave our email..

then they email us the details of the house..

so I ask mum to call them for enquire ~

then we went to sales gallery to have a look ~

then O.O placed order !!

then have a intermediate person help to apply for bank loan on my behalf ~

then wait for bank to examine my DSR (debt service ratio?) hmm..

at last got 2 bank approved, with the rate or 4.5% and 4.45%

ofcouse choose the lowest LOL.. 

but the intermediate person force mi to take house insurance..

else cannot get 4.45% lol.. then take lo..

signed the Letter of Offer for that bank ~

after that another insurance agent says no nid to take wor..

so end up didn't take the house insurance and still get 4.45% :p

so everything settle in 1 day, went to sales gallery to sign 

Loan Agreement, Sales and Purchase Agreement ~ sign until hand drop LOL

and pay the rest of the upfront money ~

and there it goes !! settled everything and wait for VP of the house

hmm... it should be completed by end of 2018 ~ lalala

let's wait for new house !!! xDDD

----------------------------------------------

hmm.. so at the age of 25

I will be staying in my own house,

driving my own car,

using my own money :p

the end of my life? o.o

1 more thing ! baby ! LOL

u slow slow wait la ~ haiz ~

lalala that's the end of story ~

stay tune ~