I have no idea.. LOL..
Just want to release abit my super duper emo life ~
Why Emo? Bo idea ~
Perhaps I've never been so stressed before xD
Now a little bit of stress can drown me into the sea LOL
It makes me 看什么都不顺眼
It makes me feel like 生无可恋
It makes me jealous other people life
It makes me wanna xxx LOL
It makes me everyday also so lifeless
It makes me lost every motivation towards life, love, work and etc ~
People excited about coming January's increment/bonus
I'm excited about nothing LOL
I'm living like a walking dead ~
Everyday wake up go work back home continue work
I always ask myself.. is that so? stress? really stress?
or just my thinking make myself stress?
or just I cannot handle stress?
or there's no stress?
or I'm too noob to manage all of it?
Whatever i think it is ~
I'm just living like pass 1 day is 1 day LOL
Where is my dream?
Where is my passion?
Passion for work? Passion for Love?
None.. None also..
You said I always complaining ~
Ya perhaps that's the only thing I can do xDDD
Why don't find a way to improve it?
Tell boss don't OT ? LOL
How about i cut down your salary? LOL
See.. Work already so sien..
How about relationship? o.O
5 yrs liao wor.. Not long not short also..
Argument? The impossible thing finally made possible
by me ? perhaps xD or my thinking causes it :p
Hmm.. no talking about past ~ coz u don't like it
How about future? o.O
Still the same.. unpredictable lols
Cannot feel secure.. (the stupid thinking)
I afraid I stress until say out things shouldn't be said
I afraid I ended it accidentally :p
I afraid the next day I wake up and I regret what I said ytd
I afraid it just gone suddenly like let's say today or tomorrow
I'm really just passing 1 day is 1 day
The initial thinking of "he is the one" already become blurred
coz I donno when will I lost it either by purpose or by accident
or by my stupid thinking lols
What's the stupid thinking?
- always feel like he so tired when with me?
- always feel unfair whenever he give time to others instead of me?
- always feel imbalanced although already balanced?
- always feel i'm no priority although already a priority?
- always feel it's my problem but no way to release the emotion?
- always talk sarcastic when emo?
- always看不顺眼 whatever he do?
- always cry alone and cry so hard at night and on the bed?
- and last thing, always feel like he gonna fly me very soon :p
- and imagine the scene after being fly lols..
Then how can I survive until today without being mad? LOL
since there's so many crazy thinking inside there?
Here are the tipssssss
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1. Do not talk / talk less (when driving car in morning, or back home, or any other scenes). Or even see him online in facebook (DON'T TALK too much, coz it will lead to argument lols)
Why do not talk? Coz the more I talk, the more I find out more things and the more I feel imbalance.
Example: You say you're going for activity at coming what what day. (Reflected the sentence in heart = He's going to enjoy, and I have to go to work myself and eat myself and I back home have to suffer working again)
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2. Spam code like a mad
Boss wanted to see result? So I gave him the results he wants LOL..
When coding, it reduces my stupid thinking and put every shit get out of me
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3. Treat every good/bad thing as nothing
Some good news happen, I will like "Oh, is that so? I see" that's all
Some bad news happen. I will like "Oh, as predicted.. just swallow it :p"
Feels like human without emotion? LOL bcoz nothing interests me anymore
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4. Pass 1 day is 1 day
Since nothing I can do about my life at the moment..
Then just pass 1 day is 1 day LOL
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So. I will still stick to the life of walking dead ~ :p
Towards the road to unknown future ~
What's unknown future? Like:
after 1 year where am I working?
after 1 year are we still together?
after 1 year am I becoming a better person?
after 1 year is my career great enough to satisfy me?
after 1 year am I still facing a lot stress?
or I already capable of manage all of the stress?
or I already defeated by stress just like now?
There's no promising future, but with promising thinking comes greater future
LOL.. cincai created a sentence macam yes ~_~
So, the goal of 2017 is to change my thinking?
hmmm.. let's see :p
tata
